It was some weeks before he had opportunity of hearing them again, being obliged to take care of his school in the country. On his next return to Limerick he heard another of them (Mr. T. W.) and liked their preaching still better. But his fondness for, and attachment to the word of God, would not admit of his taking things of so high a nature upon trust. He therefore compared their doctrine with the word of God, and with the articles and homilies (which were now likewise his secondary, standards of truth) of the church of England; and “I found it, (says he) to be consonant with both. I became daily more and more attached to them, and their manner of living encreased my affection for them. They appeared to me to be true followers of Christ, and his apostles, adorning the doctrine of God in all things.”
“When they had preached the gospel at Limerick for some time, they came over to New-Market, a village where I then resided, about eight miles from thence. In a little time there was a society formed, (so they called those who met weekly together, in order to sing the praises of God, to pray to him, and to help each other on to heaven.) To these I joined myself a member, September 29, 1749, in order to be more fully instructed in the way of salvation.”
CHAPTER VII.
Giving a farther account of the state of his soul, particularly of his deep convictions.
GOD had, by this time, made plain his way before his face. His holy word had fully informed his understanding, how a sinner can find favour with God. His scruples were all removed, and he wanted only the possession of what he saw as at a distance; to know, by experience, the certainty of those things wherein he had been instructed.
His soul reached out with vehemency of desire to the mark of the prize of his high calling. But yet he could not lay hold on the hope set before him. He could not break the bondage of unbelief, of which he was now deeply convinced, and under which he groaned continually. In short, he felt what cannot be easily explained: the sorrows and strugglings, as well as joys, of the truly regenerate, being of such a nature, that strangers to that happy change can have very imperfect conceptions of. (1 Chronicles ii. 11.)
*He particularly describes the manner, in which he perceived himself wrought upon, as follows,
“1st. The Lord convinced me of my bosom sin, that which did most easily beset me; representing the heinousness of it in various circumstances.”
“2dly. All my other abominations: sins in general, of omission, and commission were set in array before me, as an army ready to devour me; or, as so many devils ready to tear me in pieces. God wrote them down in large characters, so that I might well say, My sins were ever before me.”