“Whereupon, suppressing the course of my tears, I rose up, interpreting it to be a divine admonition, that I should open the book, and read the place I first light upon.—So getting up hastily, I returned to the place where I had been sitting before, for there I had left St. Paul’s epistles. I catched it up, opened it, read in silence the piece of the chapter on which I first cast mine eyes; not in rioting and drunkenness; not in chambering and wantonness; not in strife and envying: but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. Romans xiii. 13.”
“I could read no farther, nor was there need: for at the end of those lines, as it were with a new light of confidence streaming into my soul, the darkness of all former doubting and hesitancy was dispelled.——”
*“O Jesus Christ, my helper, and my Redeemer! How sweet on a sudden became it to me, to submit my neck to thy easy yoke, and my shoulders, unto thy light burden.——And what before, it was my fear to lose, how was it now my joy to dismiss! For thou the true, and the supreme sweetness, didst expel them from me: thou expelledst them and thyself enteredst into me instead of them: more delicious than all delights, but not to flesh and blood: more bright and glorious than all light, but to the inward hidden man, exalted above the heights of all honour, but not to those who exalt themselves.—And now my infant tongue began to converse with thee, my ambition, and my riches, and my salvation, my Lord God!”
CHAPTER VIII.
Of his finding rest to his soul.
ALTHOUGH the night had hitherto hung upon his soul, yet he frequently saw the promise of deliverance at a distance. But now the day-spring from on high began to dawn upon him. The manner of which he describes as follows,
“Having given an account of my convictions, I think it may not be improper to relate likewise, how the promise was fulfilled in me. And this also is the work of the Holy Ghost, convincing of righteousness as he doth of sin.
“1st. He kindled in my soul earnest desires towards God. There was a tenderness in my heart. It began to warm and dissolve after it was broken by the law, and scorched by the wrath of God; and to be a little comforted and encouraged.
*“2dly. Light began to spring up in my mind. I saw at length, not my guilt only, but likewise the all sufficiency of Christ, and his atonement. I was convinced that he came to seek and to save lost sinners: that he tasted death for every man; that he willeth all men to be saved, and come to the knowledge of the truth, in order thereto. O what a glorious view had I of the mercy of God in giving his Son, and of the unspeakable love and pity of Christ in dying for sinners. I was constrained to cry out, Lord, what manner of love is this, wherewith thou has loved us! What is man that thou shouldest be so mindful of him! But I could not yet say that I had redemption in the blood of Christ, the forgiveness of my sins. I did not experience the merit of his death applied to my soul.