“3dly. But I had strong hope that God would be merciful to my unrighteousness, and blot out my sins for his name sake. I could see the promise and pardon held forth to me, though as yet I was not able to lay hold of them. At certain seasons indeed I could be almost confident that there was no condemnation to me; and could venture my soul upon Christ, for life and salvation. But this soon vanished away, which convinced me it was not justifying faith, else the witness would be in my heart; for he that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself.[¹] And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the spirit of his Son into your heart crying, Abba, Father.[²]
[¹] 1 John v. 10.
[²] Galatians iv. 6.
“4thly. There was kindled in my soul a still more vehement thirst after Christ. Nothing could now satisfy me short of the assured knowledge, that I had an interest in his blood. My soul was sick with fervent longings. I esteemed all things but dung and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus. He appeared altogether lovely to me. I beheld all glory, all happiness, all riches, and honour in the Saviour. I had no desire after other things: all relish for them was gone, ‘Give me Christ, or else I die!’ Sin lost its power, so that no sin had dominion over me. I was so taken up in beholding the Lord Jesus, in reading and in prayer, that I had no desire of any thing else. Neither the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, nor the pride of life, had any power over me. But yet I could not say, I was then a believer. I had indeed an utter hatred to all sin, and power to forsake every thing that I believed to be offensive to God, and contrary to the holy will of my Lord Jesus, whom I sought and desired above all things visible or invisible.
“5thly. And now, about four months after my most deep awakenings, and joining the Methodist society, the clear day began to shine and the Lord, who is rich in mercy visited me with his salvation. He brought me out of the horrible pit, and miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock Christ Jesus. The particular manner of which was as follows,
“Coming into the room where we were accustomed to meet together, to hear the word of exhortation; before preaching began, I sat musing. My soul was looking out and longing for Christ, as the watchman for the morning. The congregation being assembled, the servant of God (Mr. W. T.) poured out his soul in prayer. And as he prayed, the power of the Lord came down in the midst of us. The windows of heaven were opened, and the skies poured down righteousness. My heart melted like wax before the fire; especially at the mention of those words, Who is this that cometh from Edom, with dyed garments from Bozrah? This that is glorious in his apparel travelling in the greatness of his strength? And again, at the singing those words in the hymn.
“Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail’d to the shameful tree!
How vast the love that him inclin’d
To bleed, and die for thee!