“Limerick, October 28, 1755. I was seized with a fever, which confined me to my room, till Friday, November 7. I remark the following particulars,”
*“1st. I examined what might be the cause of this illness; but could not discern any thing in particular. I saw indeed that many of my tempers, words and actions were not truly holy. I was ashamed of my best performances, I saw my best living as a mere blot: yet the guilt of no particular sin lay upon my conscience.”
“2dly. I was more subject to temptation in this sickness than usual: not indeed to think hard of God, or repine at my illness: but I had spiritual conflicts, wrestlings against principalities and powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world; against wicked spirits in high places. The third day, which was Thursday, October 30, I had the sorest conflict that ever I felt. I was suddenly seized in body, and amazed in mind. I thought every moment would have been my last. I had a vehement thirst. My tongue was dry and turgid. And my soul was in an agony. I was overwhelmed with fear, sorrow, and sore affliction.”
*“All the sins of my life passed before me, but especially those which were since I had been enlightened, and since I preached the gospel. I saw, and felt myself hell-deserving; that I was nothing, and could do no good work before God. I was really poor, in such a manner and degree, as I never felt before. I was stript, humbled, emptied, laid open, confounded and afraid of God’s judgments; tho’ not afraid of the devil, or hell. Nay, I all the while knew I had redemption in the blood of Jesus, and that all my sins were forgiven. Who can understand? Only such as have felt the same.”
“3dly, In the midst of my troubles, I had liberty in prayer. My understanding and memory remained with me, and abundance of spiritual matter was suggested to my mind. Even passages of scripture, that I never used before, were brought to me in prayer. I was alarmed in every part, and cried mightily to God. I cried to all about me to pray for me. Surely they saw the bitterness of my soul. God remember them for good, who then sympathized with me in my trouble.”
*“4thly, It left me gradually, and without any sensible joy. Peace and confidence arose by degrees, in my spirit. The very extremity of the combat, lasted about a quarter of an hour. It just then occurred to me, that some days before, I heard Jesus, as it were, speak, and say to me, Satan hath desired to have thee, that he may sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for thee, that thy faith may not fail. And now I fully understood it. In so many instances, are those words of our Lord true, ‘What I do, thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.’”
“5thly, I felt, (and might it not be the design of God in the whole?) That the name of Jesus alone could avail to bring me to God. I had such a deep sense of this, as I never had before. I had besides, extraordinary evidence of the eternal power and godhead of Christ Jesus. In all my illnesses this truth has been wonderfully revealed to me, both by the external evidence of holy writ, and the internal evidence of the holy Spirit. None of the prayers which I made use of, so foiled and drove away Satan, as ‘Jesus, Son of the living God, have mercy upon, and save me from this hour.’ Likewise the fifty-third of Isaiah, the twenty-third of Jeremiah, and the sixteenth of St. Matthew, with much of the Revelation, came into my mind: and my prayers were made up chiefly of passages from these places. I cried out, when I thought I should speak no more, and said, Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I believe thou wilt raise me up at the last day.”
“I had at the same time, most earnest desires, to be made holy. I saw more clearly than ever the nature and necessity of perfect love; and was fully persuaded of the necessity of preaching Christian perfection, and of declaring, that all is of grace.”
“6thly, For four or five days, after it was over, I had much of the presence of God, and of Christ. Many scripture truths revealed to me, and strong assurances, that God would spare me a little longer, to preach his gospel to the ignorant, and them that are out of the way, and to help forward the faith of his children.”
*“I write this account November 8, 1755, being pretty free from bodily pain, at peace with God, and all mankind, desirous, and determined to live wholly to the glory of God; to be a servant of all, giving my life, time, and strength, with every other talent intrusted to me, to God, and the church, which my dear Jesus purchased with his blood. To him with the Almighty Father, and eternal Spirit, be ascribed the kingdom, power, and glory, for ever, and to eternity.”