Wednesday, September 17. I rode into Philadelphia, but was very weak, and my cough and my spitting of blood continued.
Saturday, September 20. I arrived among my own people: found them praying together: went in, and gave them some account of God’s dealings with me and my companions in the journey. I then prayed with them, and the divine presence was among us; divers were melted into tears. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my lodgings. Thus God has carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to Susquahannah, and returned me again in safety, though under a great degree of bodily indisposition. Many hardships and distresses I endured in this journey: but the Lord supported me under them all.
PART VIII.
After his return from his last journey to Susquahannah, until his death.
[HITHERTO Mr. Brainerd had kept a constant diary, giving an account of what passed from day to day: but henceforward his diary is much interrupted by his illness; under which he was often brought so low, as not to be able to [♦]recollect in the evening, what had passed in the day, and set down an orderly account of it in writing. However he took some notice of the most material things concerning himself, ’till within a few days of his death.]
[♦] “recolect” replaced with “recollect”
*Lord’s-day, September 21, 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon I rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Romans xiv. 7, 8. I was [♦]strengthened in my discourse; and there appeared something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired; but thankful, that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor people. I was able to sleep little, through weariness and pain. Oh, how blessed should I be, if the little I do, were all done with right views!
[♦] “strenghened” replaced with “strengthened”
Saturday, September 27. I spent this as the week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness, exercised with a violent cough, and a considerable fever; had no appetite to any kind of food; and frequently brought up what I ate, as soon as it was down: I was able, however, to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were then at work upon a small house for me to reside in amongst the Indians[¹]. I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day. Yet I was calm and composed, and but little exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons. It was many times a comfort to me, that life and death did not depend upon my choice. I was pleased to think, that he who is infinitely wise, had the determination of this matter; and that I had no trouble, to consider and weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice, whether I would live or die. I could with great composure look death in the face, and frequently with sensible joy. Oh, how blessed it is, to be habitually prepared for death! The Lord grant, that I may be actually ready also!