[¹] This was the fourth house he built for his residence among the Indians.
Lord’s day, September 28. I rode to my people; and, though under much weakness, discoursed about half an hour; at which season divine power seemed to attend the word; but being extreme weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to my lodgings, where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost delirious, for several hours, till towards morning, my fever went off with a violent sweat. I have often been feverish after preaching: but this was the most distressing turn, that ever preaching brought upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I had made my utmost attempts to speak for God.
Tuesday, September 30. Yesterday and to-day I was scarce able to sit up half the day. But [♦]I was in a composed frame remarkably free from dejection and melancholy; as God has been pleased to deliver me from these unhappy glooms, in the general course of my present weakness, and also from a peevish spirit. Oh that I may always be able to say, “Lord, not my will, but thine be done!”
[♦] “I” replaced with “I was” and 2nd “was” deleted per Errata
Saturday, October 4. I spent the former part of this week under a great degree of disorder, as I had done several weeks before: was able, however, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the day, and took some care daily of persons at work upon my house. On Friday afternoon I found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened; and having some time before given notice to my people, and those at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed, to administer the sacrament of the Lord’s supper upon the first sabbath in October: on Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to the sacrament, from 2 Corinthians xiii. 5. I was surprisingly strengthened in my work, while I was speaking: but was obliged immediately after to repair to bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians; which gave me such speedy relief, as I could not well have lived without. I spent some time on Friday night in conversing with my people as I lay upon my bed; and found my soul refreshed. This being Saturday, I discoursed particularly with divers of the communicants; and this afternoon preached from Zechariah xii. 10. There seemed to be a tender melting, and hearty mourning for sin in the congregation. My soul was in a comfortable frame, and I was myself, as well as most of the congregation, much affected with the humble confession, and apparent broken-heartedness of a backslider; and could not but rejoice, that God had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness. I was extremely tired in the evening; but lay on my bed, and discoursed to my people.
*Lord’s-day, October 5. I was still very weak; and in the morning afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the day. I discoursed before the administration of the sacrament from John i. 29. “Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world.”—The divine presence attended this discourse; and the assembly was considerably melted. After sermon I baptized two persons, and then administered the Lord’s supper to near forty communicants of the Indians, besides divers dear Christians of the white people. It was a season of divine power and grace; and numbers rejoiced in God. Oh, the sweet union and harmony then appearing among the religious people! My soul was refreshed, and my friends, of the white people, with me. After the sacrament I could scarcely get home; but was supported by my friends, and laid on my bed; where I lay in pain till the evening; and then was able to sit up and discourse with my friends. Oh, how was this day spent in prayers and praises among my dear people! One might hear them all the morning before public worship, and in the evening till near midnight, praying and singing praises to God, in one or other of their houses.
*Saturday, October 11. Towards night I was seized with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, and much pain: I was treated with great kindness and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a creature. I was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive with regard to life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to me, to think that it was not my business to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder; being now fully convinced of my being unable to perform my work. Oh how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and misemployed it, or neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability!
October 19. I was willing either to die or live; but found it hard to think of living useless. Oh that I might never live to be a burden to God’s creation; but that I might be allowed to repair home, when my sojourning work is done!
Friday, October 24. I spent the day in overseeing and directing my people about mending their fence, and securing their wheat. I was somewhat refreshed in the evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day time. Oh, how it pains me, to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any purpose!
Saturday, October 25. I visited some of my people: spent some time in writing, and felt much better in body than usual: when it was near night I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expounding: but in the evening was much disordered again, and spent the night in coughing, and spitting of blood.