Lord’s-day, October 26. In the morning I was exceeding weak, and spent the day till near night, in pain to see my poor people wandering as sheep not having a shepherd. But towards night finding myself a little better, I called them together to my house and sat down, and read and expounded Matthew v. 1–16. This discourse, though delivered in much weakness, was attended with power; especially what was spoken upon the last of these verses, where I insisted on the infinite wrong done to religion, by having our light become darkness, instead of shining before men. As many were deeply affected with a sense of their deficiency, in regard of spiritual conversation, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness seemed to be excited in them; so there was one that had fallen into drunkenness, sometime before, who was now deeply convinced of his sin, and discovered a great degree of concern on that account. My soul was refreshed to see this. And though I had no strength to speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed: yet I rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the congregation; and that divine truths, though faintly delivered, were attended with so much efficacy.
Monday, October 27. I spent the day in directing the Indians, about mending the fence round their wheat: and was able to walk with them, and contrive their business all the forenoon. In the afternoon I was visited by two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation with them. Towards night I was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again.
October 28. I rode to Prince-Town, in a very weak state: had such a violent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend’s house, and lie down for some time. Near night I was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty, and his wife, and another friend: my spirits were refreshed to see them: but I was surprized, and even ashamed, that they had taken so much pains as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me.
Saturday, November 1. I took leave of my friends and returned home.
Lord’s-day, November 2. I was unable to preach and scarcely able to sit up the whole day. I was almost sunk, to see my poor people destitute of the means of grace; and especially considering they could not read, and so were under great disadvantages for spending the sabbath comfortably. Oh, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a faithful pastor to feed them. A view of their want of this was more afflictive to me, than all my bodily illness.
Monday, November 3. Being now in so low a state, that I was utterly uncapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery, unless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey into New-England, I accordingly took leave of my congregation this day.—Before I left my people, I visited them all in their respective houses, and discoursed to each, as I thought most suitable for their circumstances, and found great freedom in so doing: I scarce left one house but some were in tears, not only affected with my being about to leave them, but with the solemn addresses I made; for I was helped to be fervent in spirit. When I had thus gone through my congregation, (which took me most of the day) and had taken leave of them, and of the school, I rode about two miles, to the house where I lived in the summer past, and there lodged.
Tuesday, November 4. I rode to Woodbridge, and lodged with Mr. Pierson.
Wednesday, November 5. I rode to Elisabeth-Town, intending as soon as possible to prosecute my journey. But I was in an hour or two taken much worse.—For near a week I was confined to my chamber, and most of the time to my bed; and then so far revived as to be able to walk about the house; but was still confined within doors.
I was enabled to maintain a calm, composed, and patient spirit, as I had from the beginning of my weakness. After I had been in Elisabeth-Town about a fortnight, and had so far recovered that I was able to walk about the house, upon a day of thanksgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recount the mercies of God, in such a manner as greatly affected me, and filled me with thankfulness to God; especially for his work of grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his kingdom. “Lord, glorify thyself,” was the cry of my soul. Oh that all people might love and praise the blessed God!
After this comfortable season, I frequently enjoyed enlargement of soul in prayer for my dear congregation, very often for every family, and every person in particular; and it was a great comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for those whom I was not allowed to see.