On Tuesday morning that week (I being absent on a journey) he prayed with my family: but not without much difficulty; and this was the last family prayer that ever he made.
He had been wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles; but this week, on Thursday, was the last time he ever did so.]
Lord’s-day, August 23. This morning I was considerably refreshed with the thought, yea, the expectation of the enlargement of Christ’s kingdom; and I could not but hope, the time was at hand, when Babylon the Great would fall, and rise no more. I was unable to attend public worship: but God was pleased to afford me satisfaction in divine thoughts. Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea, to God my exceeding joy.
*In this week past, I had divers turns of inward refreshing, though my body was inexpressibly weak. Sometimes my soul centered in God, as my only portion; and I felt that I should be for ever unhappy, if he did not reign: I saw the sweetness and happiness of being his subject, at his disposal. This made all my difficulties quickly vanish.
[Till this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above stairs; but he now grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up stairs and down. Friday, August 28, was the last time he ever went above stairs, henceforward he betook himself to a lower room.
On Wednesday, September 2. Being the day of our public lecture, he seemed to be refreshed with seeing the neighbouring ministers, and expressed a great desire once more to go to the house of God: and accordingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine service, while the Rev. Mr. Woodbridge of Hatfield preached. He signified that he supposed it to be the last time that ever he should attend the public worship, as it proved. And indeed it was the last time that ever he went out at our gate alive.
On the Saturday evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by his brother Mr. John Brainerd. He was much refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being peculiarly dear to him: and he seemed to rejoice in a devout manner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable tidings he brought concerning the state of his dear Indians: and a circumstance of this visit, that he was exceeding glad of, was, that his brother brought him some of his private writings from New-Jersey, and particularly his diary that he had kept for many years past.]
Lord’s-day, September 6. I began to read some of my private writings, which my brother brought me; and was considerably refreshed with what I met with in them.
Monday, September 7. I proceeded further in reading my old private writings, and found they had the same effect upon me as before: I could not but rejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which without writing had been entirely lost.
*This evening when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed that God should be glorified: I saw there was no heaven but this. I could not but speak to the by-standers then of the only happiness, viz. pleasing God. Oh that I could ever live to God! The day, I trust, is at hand, the perfect day: Oh, the day of deliverance from all sin!