Thursday 27. When I retired in the morning to private prayer, I experienced great power and sweetness in the duty. My mind was kept in a serious frame, till I went out of my chamber, when I gave way to fretting. O how many temptations are we liable to! And while we endeavour to shun one, we often fall into another. When I avoid levity, I too often fall into fretting. We have need to have the wisdom of the serpent with the harmlessness of the dove.
Friday 28, and Saturday 29. Were spent comfortably. I had great sweetness in prayer, and much of the spirit of it.
Sunday 30. I tasted the good word of God in reading the 11th chapter of the Hebrews. O how much did those excellent ones of the earth endure for their blessed Master, while I who have every means of encouragement I can desire, (and far more than I deserve) am careless and supine in working out my own salvation. But since thou hast convinced me of my error, O Lord, do thou help me to amend it, and let me now turn to thee, with all my heart and soul.
Tuesday, July 2, and Wednesday 3. Both these days I was ill and in violent pain. On Thursday morning I endeavoured to look to God, and was relieved. O how good is he to me, the unworthiest of his creatures. Lord give me a thankful heart. I was hindered going to preaching all this week, by reason of a violent cold. But if that was sanctified, I have need to be thankful, and to bless God for afflicting me.
Saturday 20. Tho’ I was very busy all the morning, my mind was kept in a serious praying frame. Lord make me truly thankful for this mercy!
Sunday 21. We went to St. John’s church. I found my soul blest at the sacrament, and felt an earnest desire for faith. O may it always continue! “Lord give me faith;” Be all my cry; and he that gives me the desire, will fulfil it.
Wednesday 24. In the evening we went down to my aunt B——s, where we parted with my dear friend Miss H——. I was much concerned at taking leave, but I comforted myself with the hope of seeing her soon again: if we should not meet again in this vale of tears, may we meet where crying, and pain, and death are over.
Tuesday 30. I was in a lukewarm frame all the day, but in the evening as my uncle and others were speaking their states to one another, I could scarce help shedding tears, to think I had made so little use of all the means I enjoy. When I came up to bed, I found a great earnestness for faith, which I prayed for with something of a confidence that I should receive, till unbelief stept in: then I thought I had not repented enough, had not forsaken my sins long enough, and at last I yielded, rose from my knees, and lost the blessing which I might have received, had I held on. May I learn more wisdom for the future, and when I get such a precious moment, improve it, and not so shamefully yield to the enemy of my soul.
Sunday, August 4. I went to church, and was much blest, particularly at the sacrament.
Friday 16. We had the pleasure of the Rev. Mr. John Wesley’s company to tea, and in the evening he preached on 2 Corinthians vi. 2. Now is the accepted time: now is the day of salvation.