Sunday 18. In the morning Mr. Wesley preached on Mark ix. 23. My soul was exceedingly blest. He seemed to speak as exactly to my state, as if I had mentioned it to him. He answered every objection that has oftentimes occurred to my mind against believing, and then gave me encouragement to come to Christ, and believe in him. But when I came home, my mind was much hurried, so that I lost the blessing I had received. O! how unfaithful have I hitherto been, to the manifold favours God has bestowed on me! Lord pardon the past, and make me more faithful for the future.
Monday 19. I was much disordered with a violent cold in my head, and so I continued all Tuesday and Wednesday, that I scarce could read, or pray, or do any thing else, as I would have done. But praised be God, my mind was kept in a sweet composed frame, and I had much of the spirit of prayer. O the goodness of God to me, the most unworthy of his creatures! Me, who have so often sinned against him! Lord write the law of gratitude on my heart! On Wednesday our class met for the first time. Altho’ it was something of a cross, I experienced the goodness of God.
Wednesday 28. In the evening our class met again: thanks be to God, I was in a composed frame, and had my mind stayed on him; as indeed it had been all the day, and all the week.
Thursday 29. In the afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. B——t to Eaton by water, to see Lord Grosvenor’s seat. We had a parcel of obstinate men in the boat, who knew nothing of the sea, and yet would have their own way, which rendered what might have been otherwise pleasant, very disagreeable. The gardens are extremely pleasant, and far surpass any thing I have ever seen. My mind was fixt on God, while I was in the boat, and I had such a confidence in him, that I don’t know I felt fear arise once the whole time.
Sunday, September 1. At church I felt great earnestness for the blessing.
“Author of faith, to thee I lift
My weary, longing eyes:
O let me now receive that gift,
My soul without it dies.”
Wednesday 4. In the evening I was very cold and dead. O my God, let me never give way to a lukewarm spirit, for this of all things, I find hurtful to my soul, and it too often brings on levity, which to me is slow poison. It does not appear heinous as some other sins do, but steals upon me unawares. And when I am once down, it is not an easy matter to rise again. Therefore let me be