Sunday 6. This morning I found my desires very earnest for the blessing, while Mr. Wesley was preaching on Isaiah xxxv. 8. And a highway shall be there, and a way, &c. And also afterwards while he was adminstring the sacrament. In the evening I was again encouraged to come to the Lord, while Mr. Wesley was inviting us to come and drink of the water of life freely, but still I had not power to accept the invitation. We afterwards had a comfortable love-feast.
Sunday 13. I arose pretty early and went to the preaching. I afterwards found great sweetness, in meditating on the love of God to sinners, and his willingness to receive them upon their sincere repentance, as also in private prayer.
Wednesday 16. All this day I was very melancholy, which was chiefly occasioned by recollecting the sorrowful scene I saw that day two-years; when I had the last sight of those whom I love as my own soul. O how many unforeseen events have happened in that time! Some of them have been very trying to me, and made me repent leaving my native land: yet now I see they were all working together for my good, and I trust I have no cause to repent, seeing my soul has much prospered since I have been at this place, whereas I did not gain, but rather lost ground, while I was in London and Kendal. How wisely does God order all things for the benefit of his poor undeserving creatures: and how ungrateful are we, not to render him the tribute of an heart and life devoted to his service!
Friday 18. Mr. M—— kept a watch-night and preached on these alarming words. At midnight there was a cry made: Behold the bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him. Matthew xxv. 6. I found my soul much blest under one of his prayers. O may I have oil in my lamp when the bridegroom comes that I may not be shut out with the foolish virgins, but enter with the wise into the joy of my Lord.
Sunday 20. This morning Mr. R—— preached on those comfortable words of our Lord’s Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out. John vi. 37. I found myself much encouraged to come to the Lord, especially when he was inviting the young to come, and close in with Jesus.
Tuesday 22. This day I found great backwardness to private duty, but was enabled to break through and found the Lord as good as his word, They that wait upon him shall renew their strength.
Wednesday 23. I found much sweetness and enlargement in private duty this day, and was in a measure blest, while meeting my class in the evening. O how good is it to draw nigh to God, and yet how backward am I so to do!
Friday 25. I found myself much grieved upon account of having given way to levity. O how prone am I to this evil! Lord, help me against it, or I fear it will sink me lower than the grave. I spent my evening comfortably, and I trust profitably in reading the book of martyrs. O what did they go through for the sake of their Lord! While I cannot take up the least cross without murmuring.
Saturday 26. This day I found great enlargement in praying for my friends and relations, as also for the whole world, and for my own poor soul. Lord, help me ever to continue herein.
“Help me to believe, obey;