Sunday, June 1. This morning my soul was in a measure blest while Mr. R——s was shewing how we had destroyed ourselves, from Hosea xiii. 9. He had not time to shew us where our help lay: but blessed be God, he has shewed this to me. May I seek for it where it only can be found. In the evening I was stirred up to ask the blessing, and I trust with some importunity.
Monday 2. This morning my soul was exceedingly blest while Mrs. L—— was speaking to me, encouraging me to come, and lay hold of the blessing, assuring me, that even now the Lord was willing to impart it. My desires were also very strong in the afternoon; although I was in company, and the conversation not very edifying; (so gracious was the Lord to me.)
Tuesday 3. I found my soul exceedingly blest this day, especially in the evening: such hope and confidence I had that the Lord would reveal himself that I had no doubt of it, and such a sweet calm was upon my spirit till I went to bed as I never experienced before. I was also greatly encouraged by accidentally opening the bible upon these words, Then shall we know if we follow on to know the Lord. Amen! Let it be according to thy word, Lord Jesus.
Wednesday 4. I experienced a measure of the same confidence as the night before. Lord continue it, and also increase it, so that I may never doubt more.
Thursday 5. I was not altogether in such a sweet frame as the two preceding days; nevertheless my mind was stayed on God, and my desires earnest for the blessing, while my uncle was discoursing upon these words, Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Luke xiii. 5.
Friday 6. My mind was distracted with wandering thoughts, but the gracious Lord soon gathered them in again, and I experienced a sweet calm upon my spirit, and liberty in prayer.
Sunday 8. I went to church expecting the Sacrament, but there being none, we had a sermon on Galatians vi. 9. It was a very pretty discourse, shewing what well-doing was; but nothing of a change of heart was mentioned. O, thought I, how many may go thus far, and perish at last. Lord, let me not be one of this number.
Monday 9. This afternoon we set out for Eaton to see Lord Grosvenor’s gardens; they are the most elegant and pleasant I ever saw. I do not find the sight of such things to draw my mind from God: but am rather led to meditate on the vanity of all worldly enjoyments, and to desire to have substantial pleasures, even those which are at God’s right-hand. The rest of the week, my mind was in much confusion, by reason of removing; but still I have found power to be constant in private duty, and to resist all temptations to the contrary. By thus doing I was enabled to keep a greater watch over my words, and thoughts, and to avoid my [♦]besetting evil, levity. O Lord, make me truly thankful.
[♦] “beseting” replaced with “besetting”
Monday 16. I was much cast down, by receiving a letter from my dear mamma, containing a melancholy account of the situation of my dear papa’s health: but in the midst of my anxiety, I found a great confidence in God: so that most of my uneasiness was upon his account. Lord, strengthen, comfort, and bless him for Jesus’s sake. The two following days my mind was much hurried by the confusion the house has been in; nevertheless I have been constant in private duty, and have generally found it good to draw nigh to God. O what a God have we to deal with, and yet I cannot find a heart to love him. Lord, soften this obdurate heart, and give me an heart to love thee; for this thou knowest is all my desire.