Sunday 17. In retirement, both before and after preaching, I found my soul greatly led out to pray for faith, for myself, and my dear parents, and a measure of confidence, that God would hear my prayer: but alas for me, in the afternoon levity again prevailed, and I lost both the confidence, and power to pray for it.
Sunday 17. Mr. M——r preached on Acts xxiv. 16. Herein I exercise myself, to have a conscience void of offence towards God, and towards man. On his mentioning his going away, I could not forbear bursting into tears; I am sure all the people (would they speak the truth impartially) must acknowledge he has exercised himself to have a conscience void of offence.
*Wednesday 20. In the evening Mr. M——r gave us a sweet discourse, on Colossians iii. 11. But Christ is all, and in all. My concern at parting with him, stole away all the benefit I might have reaped from the sermon. Alas! that I should be so foolish as to look more to the servant than to his Lord, and think because he is going away, I shall never more be blest under preaching; as if God could not bless me, as well by one as another. Lord, I beseech thee, to forgive this sin.
Thursday 21. This morning I arose to hear Mr. M——s last discourse, which was very affecting, and drew tears from many eyes. I found much cause for lamentation, that I had not profited more by him, and a determined resolution to set out afresh in the strength of divine grace, that I may not have the same complaint to make, when we part with the next. Lord, strengthen this resolution.
Sunday 24. I was some part of this day employed in reading Mr. Morgan’s crucified Jesus. O that I could copy after my afflicted, self-denying Master! He never sought to please himself; but alas for me, how seldom is it I seek to please any other! Lord, forgive me: let me learn to deny myself, take up my cross and follow thee.
Thursday 28. In the evening Mr. J—— who is the assistant preached his first sermon on 1 Corinthians iii. 22. All are yours. I think him a good preacher; but I cannot yet give up Mr. M—— for any other.
Friday 29. Mr. G——d preached on 1 Corinthians i. 23. We preach Christ crucified. It was a good sermon, but I thought so much of Mr. M——, that I was quite tired because it was not him. Lord forgive me my too great attachment to the creature, and fix my heart more upon the Creator.
Sunday 31. This morning Mr. G——d preached from Hosea vi. 1. Come let us return to the Lord, &c. He spoke exactly to the state I seemed to be in, and I was determined to set this day apart, to examine myself, and to seek the Lord in good earnest. But as soon as I came home, Satan prepared something to draw my mind off, and render me unfit for any duty, whether reading, praying, or any thing else. Lord, make me more careful for the time to come, that I may not so easily let slip the things which I have received.
Tuesday, September 2. My soul was in a measure blest in meeting class, and I found a resolution to set out afresh. Lord, let it not prove abortive as all others have done, but do thou bring it to good effect for thy mercy’s sake.
Wednesday 3. I think this day I found more solidity, and not so much levity of spirit as I did the day before. I also found my soul in a measure quickened both in private prayer, and in meeting band, for which undeserved mercies, Lord make me truly thankful, and let me shew my gratitude by endeavouring to retain, and improve them, that so I may have more.