The thought cross’d my mind: shall I thus mock God; pray to him to compose my mind, while I am yielding to these tempers? I resolved to strive against them: thro’ his strength I overcame them, and found a blessing tho’ entirely unexpected.
*Friday 29. I was confined to my bed, being much indisposed. O what a short transition from time to eternity! I thought much of dying, but felt no fear: not because I was now ready, but I firmly believed the Lord would cut short his work in righteousness if he called me.
[This illness, after a day or two, much increased, and appeared to be a putrid fever: but her mind continued stayed upon God. About a fortnight, after she was taken, she expressed a full confidence in him, being wholly delivered from the fear of death. A few days after, her speech and hearing were taken away, by the violence of her distemper. But it was easy to discern, that her understanding remained, tho’ she could converse with none but God. Her eyes and hands almost continually lifted up, shewed her heart was still with him. In her greatest agonies of pain, there was not the least mark of impatience: till on January the 21st, 1768, about four o’clock in the afternoon, she quietly resigned her spirit to God.]
An Extract from the JOURNAL of
ELIZABETH HARPER.
To the READER.
1. TO set the doctrine of Christian perfection too high, is the ready way to drive it out of the world. Let a man only describe it, as implying a freedom from mistakes and human infirmities; and whoever knows there is no such freedom in this life, naturally concludes, “There is no perfection.” Hence we should always carefully guard against this, by insisting, it is no more and no less, than giving God all our heart: loving him with all our heart, and our neighbour as ourselves.
2. This is well consistent with a thousand infirmities, which belong to every soul while in the body. To place this in the clearest and fullest light, I have published the following extract from the artless journal of a plain woman, wrote merely for her own use. I have no doubt, but God had all her heart. But yet how many were her infirmities! And these are the more apparent, because she was a person of no uncommon endowments; one that had just plain, natural understanding, without any advantage of education, and who wrote down daily just what she felt, with all possible artlessness and simplicity. The chief of these are, wandering thoughts (whether natural or preter-natural:) listlessness in private prayer (I believe, entirely owing to bodily disorder:) hurry in business (it seems, not apparent to others, though frequently felt by herself:) want of a steddy, invariable advertence to the presence of God: speaking too many words, more than were strictly necessary: speaking through ignorance, a word not strictly true: speaking sometimes too quick, so as to have the appearance of anger: omission of things which had better be done. Perhaps one might mention likewise under this head, such vehement temptations to anger, to impatience, to fretfulness, to immoderate sorrow, and to follow her own will, that at divers times she escaped with the skin of her teeth, and scarce knew whether she escaped or not. So particular a detail of these things, may be of singular use to those who find the same temptations: and who may be encouraged hereby, to hold the beginning of their confidence stedfast unto the end.
3. But it may be objected, “If perfection means only that love which is consistent with all these infirmities, then how does it differ from what is experienced by every believer?” I answer, 1. Many are delivered from these infirmities, in a far greater measure than she was. I judge her to have been a real witness of Christian perfection, but only in a low degree. 2. Whom do you know that experiences even what she did, that never-failing love of God and man, that uninterrupted calmness of mind, that invariable meekness, gentleness, humility? That continual hunger and thirst after righteousness after the entire image of God? Above all, that absolute, unreserved dependence upon Christ, as the fountain of every good and perfect gift, of all holiness and happiness? Does every believer experience this? I will be bold to say, not one in a thousand. I suppose not one upon earth, unless he has received another gift, widely different from what he received when he was justified. At least I know no one in the three kingdoms, who comes up to this experience, (besides a few in their first love,) unless after justification he has found a second change wrought in a moment. However, concerning that circumstance we need not dispute, whether it be wrought gradually or instantaneously. Only let the change be wrought. Only let our souls be renewed in the whole image of God. Only let all that mind be in us, which was also in Christ Jesus: let him reign in our hearts without a rival; at all times and in all places. Let us be all devoted to him in soul and in body: and let all our thoughts, and words, and actions, be continually offered up to God, as holy sacrifices acceptable to God through Christ.