“In this belief I continued, till about two years ago God brought me to hear the whole gospel. Not long after, those words were continually on my mind, Once have I heard, yea twice hath God spoken, that power belongeth unto God; and I was deeply convinced, that I had in effect denied his power. Even after I had tasted his love, I limitted the Holy One of Israel: and from this time I began to plead the promises of sanctification; but I still set them at a distance, supposing the accomplishment of them to be afar off.
“In March following I heard a letter read from one, who had entered into the rest of the people of God. It described a happiness in religion, which I was a stranger to: I was much stirred up to seek after it, and was determined to wrestle with God till I prevailed. One day in prayer, that promise was applied, The Lord whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple. From that time, I expected him in every means I used, to come and destroy the works of the devil. I was agonizing with God in family prayer, when he gave me power to venture upon Jesus, as of God made unto me wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption. He spoke into my heart, ‘The Lord, even the king of Israel, is in the midst of thee; and the enemies thou hast seen this day, thou shalt see them no more for ever.’ From this time I have rejoiced indeed, and yet loathed myself in my own sight. I feel no desire but to please him, and know of nothing in me that is not subjected to Jesus: I depend upon him every moment, as my advocate with the Father: I daily feel my coming short of what I would be, yet without any condemnation. The blood of sprinkling speaks me clean. Indeed if I could perform the obedience I desire, I should still be ashamed before him.”
3. In the midst of various outward trials, her soul was now kept as a watered garden. She was satisfied with the favour, and full blessing of the Lord: she enjoyed deep communion with God, and that without any interruption: she sought for and found direction from him in every circumstance of life. She truly proved him to be her counsellor, who instructed her by his small still voice. She walked continually in his presence, and felt her soul always approved of him. She used to say, “Would Jesus on this or the other occasion, have acted or spoken thus?” And this rule she steadily copied after, in all her life and conversation. She knew a little of what our Lord meant, when he said, The Father which dwelleth in me, he doth the works. To his will she was entirely given up, in sickness and health, ease and pain.
4. In the beginning of November, she seemed to have a foresight of what was coming upon her, and used frequently to sing these words:
“When pain o’er this weak flesh prevails,
With lamb-like patience arm my breast.”
And when she sent to let me know she was ill, she wrote in her note, “I suffer the will of Jesus. All he sends is sweetened by his love. I am as happy as if I heard a voice say,
For me my elder brethren stay,
And angels beckon me away,
And Jesus bids me come.”