“Antedate the joys above:
Ever feel her Saviour’s love.”
I feel my insufficiency to speak of the goodness of God. It is more than I can express. He deals tenderly with me; and if I follow the best pattern, I shall be patient towards all. I have felt much bodily weakness, but no power to chuse its removal or continuance. I seem to enjoy all I want, while I pursue what I have not attained. I am daily more sensible how little I am. I think never one soul so utterly wanted a complete Saviour.
*I have taken the first opportunity to write, in hopes of profiting by your answer. I want to know the most effectual way to grow in grace; how to improve by all things; how to make good use of the dulness which often creeps upon my mind, and makes my soul stupidly inactive. I want to be all attention to God; to have every faculty of my mind fixedly waiting upon him: but I find myself beat off of this by weariness or listlessness. I often seem to stand fast in the Lord, and am steddily looking unto him; but (I suppose, through unwatchfulness) often lose the deep consciousness, that, “God is here:” yet he does not condemn me; but I abhor myself, while I see the Saviour graciously near. My heart crieth without a voice, “Come and mould thy passive clay. Keep my attention rightly exercised every moment.” And while I call, my Jesus answers. O, did I pray without fainting, I should then be what I wish.
I praise the lover of your soul, that he delights to bless you. May you ever see his full sufficiency to save, and live in the fountain-head of bliss!
January 26, 1762.
BLESSED be God, I only seek his approbation, and am content with that alone. The night you wrote, the Lord spake to my heart, “All is your’s.” I feel it true, for Christ is mine. Indeed he is precious to me. My soul is satisfied with its portion. Yet “eager I ask and pant for more.” But my wants do not discourage me. I delight to feel them, for I am persuaded out of his fulness I shall receive a supply. Even while I am receiving from him, he makes me capable of more. I am amazed at his grace.
“I cannot praise him as I wou’d,
But he is merciful and good,”