Tho kivvered o'er with sich abuse,
He never fout agen it,
The very wuss that Hez' would kuss,
Waz the simple word KONDEMIT.
PORKANBEANS BILLINGS.
HIZ MEMORANDUM.
Porkanbeans Billings lived and throve in the 16th sentury. He loved a horse with grate power. He could swop a horse clusser than enny man that imparshall history tells ov. He iz sed tew have swopped Deakon Absolem Featherweight, klean out ov a 5 year old sorrel horse, at one swop, and the deakon waz looked upon az almost insurmountable in a dikker. Not tew disguise the fakt, Porky Billings waz a hoss jockey ov the anshunt daze, one who hung around the village tavern, and alwuss had on hand an old flag-tailed pelter, with a glass eye, tew trade with ennyboddy. I dont feal like bragging ov Porkanbeans az an ansesstor, but i must say, az a horse jockey, (if all reports are trew) i feal proud ov him. I forgot tew state, that Porky left no property. Thare iz a grate deal ov genius in the horse-swop bizzness but fu assetts. Porkanbeans died instantly, sumwhare about the fust ov the 17th sentury. He waz struk bi the hind feet ov a mule. Moral karakter even wont save a phello-being from dissolushun, when a mule goes for him with both hind feet at once. Sich iz life. Sich iz the mule. Porkanbeans haz my sympathy, he also haz mi tears, but i dont serpose they will be worth mutch tew him now, he iz too ded. Fairwell old phello-being, fairwell mi ansesstor. Deth iz our porshun. I think i kan say this without making a phool ov miself. Undoubtedly. Yes. Jiss so.
MORAL.
Tew swop a horse and not git beat,
Iz sumthing nice tew brag on,
I tried it once, and that's the time
I lost a horse—and waggon.