One ov the most perfekt viktorys yu kan achieve over enny man, iz to beat him in politeness.
Q.–Who's yure favourite proze author?
A.–Noah Webster.
He takes them away to the stashun,
Whare both are krestfallen and meek,
And after a lektur on fiteing,
The kids are discharged by the "beak."
EGG NOGG.
Thare iz no fluid known to mortal man, that haz got more bakbone, and less tangle leg, in a quart ov it, than good, old 1776, Egg Nogg. Our grand dads drank it fluently, and thankt the Lord, az it meandered sloly down their thruts. It iz bilt out ov sider, and fresh egg, and iz az phull ov fun, and innosense, az a kittens tail. Enny man who haz moral skruples about drinking a glass ov fresh made egg nogg, had better git hiz morality insured aginst acksidents at once, for he iz in danger ov having hiz morality kompletely eradikated from the face ov the earth. Morality that kant stand egg nogg, iz a weak sister. I luv egg nogg, and hope i allwuss shall. I kant tell yu now when egg nogg waz fust diskovered, nor who the lucky kritter waz who fust found it out, but i would giv 15 dollars at least to know that it waz one ov mi ansesstors. I am orphull proud ov the anshunt Billing'es and enny glory that fluktuates around them, kind ov circumambiates around me. This may look like weakness in me, but it iz natur, and i dont beleav in allwuss snubbing natur. I say let yure natur kind ov go it, onst in a while.