To Nimrod Sturgiss, a copper medal with 9 dollars, and a nu pair ov dorg skin gloves, for riding a velosipede into a mill-pond, and gitting drowned.
To Marshall Peaboddy Smith, a puss ov 2 dollars, and a life membership in the mackerel club, for riding a velosipede over a nu milch cow, and splitting a telegraph pole from top tew bottom.
Q.–Define the "fust impreshun."
A.–A mother's kiss.
April phool was born this month,
A simpleton, but clever;
And tho 4000 years ov age,
He's just az big a phool az ever.
THE MELODIUS CAT.
The cat hath been called a domestik animile but i never could tell whyfore. All thare iz domestix about a cat iz, yu kant loze one; they are as tuff to loze az a bad reputashun iz. Yu may send one out ov the state done up neatly in a meal-bag, and the next morning yu will find him along side ov the kitchen stove reddy tew be stepped on. They are az sollum az Mozes, but az phull ov the devil as Judas Iskariott Esq. Thare iz only one thing about a cat that i like, and that iz, they are very reasonable; a little money, well put, will go a grate way in cats. Cats are very plenty in this world just now I counted 18 from mi boarding house windo, one moon lite nite last summer, and it want the best kind ov a nite for cats neither.