Rathbun's "Old oaken bucket washing masheen." For washing, bleaching, bileing, wringing, starching, blueing, hanging out, drieing, ironing, marking, fluting, and folding clothes, this lovely masheen haz no competitor in the male, or femail world. This iz the only masheen in the western hemisphear, that takes the inside cloth oph from a man's back on the keen jump, and puts it back agin, in 15 minnitts, washed, dried, ironed, starched, the buttons sowed on, and the collar turned down. Ask for Rathbun's Old oaken bucket washing masheen, and keep asking till yu git it, and when yu hav got it, hug it tew yure buzzum.
Q.–Will yu pleaze to define suicide?
A.–Suicide iz cheating the doktors out ov a job.
Mend fences now, and diches dig, Lay in some cow, and little pig, For milk, and pork, Iz what enables a man tew do a good square day's work.
APRIL MONOGRAPH.
"April, dear April, chuck full ov charms, Cum, cum, oh cum, tew mi arms,"
thus warbled the poet, more than twelve thousand years ago, and he knew his bizz, he had the right sting in him, he want none ov yure pedigree poets, nor dispepshee poets, nor whiskee poets.
Dandylions planted this month are almost sure tew hed out, so are tud stools, so are hed cheeze. This month iz also helthy for planting onions, onions are a luxury, and are good for a bad breth, or are bad for a good breth, i hav forgot which, but either way iz right.