SAYINGS OF JOSH BILLINGS.
I think the fools do more hurt in this world than the raskals.
The prinsipal differense between a luxury and a necesaary iz, the prise.
Awl men hav cunning, and sum men hav wisdum.
If I aint mistaken, the best wa tew git religion, iz tew git honesta, and truth, and a sprinklin ov morality fust, and see how they agree with us.
What a man spends in this life, he saves: what he dont git want ment for him, and what he saves, he loozes.
Fame iz like a crop ov kanada thissells, very eazy tew sow, but hard tew reap.
"Familiarity breeds contempt." this iz so—jist as soon az we git familiarized with castor ile, for instance we contempt it.
Life is short, but it iz long enuff to ruin enny man who wants tew be ruined.
When the soul iz in grief, it iz taking root, and when it iz in smiles, it iz taking wing.
The grate art in writing well, iz tew kno when tew stop.
Every time yu forgive a man yu weaken him, and strengthen yurself.
Mi private opinion iz, that i should prefer boned fish tew boned turkey.
"Giv the devil his due," but be very kerful that thare aint mutch due him.
It haz bin obsarved, "that corporashuns haint got enny souls." Thare iz excepshuns tew this rule, for i kno ov several that hav got the meanest kind ov souls.
After a man has rode fast onse, he never wants tew go slow agin.
"Sparks fly upward." Old maids will pleaze make a note ov this.
"What will it proffit a man, if he gain the whole wurld, and loze his own soul? i answer, nothing: but thare are cases, whare thare wouldn't be enny loss tew speek ov.
"Think twice before yu speak onse," but don't think, "d—n it."
Thare iz onla one thing that i blame Adam for, and that iz, when he had the onla woman on arth, he didn't git her warranted.
FASHION.
Fashion is a compound mixtur ov much taist, and sum vanitee. The taist that is into it, saives it from ridikule. Fashun iz just az necessara tu govern men and wimmin with, az sivil law; in fack menny folks wud ruther brake a statu than tu ware a cut tale tu short, or a bunnet tu obtuze.
Exsentrisity iz one thing, and fashun iz anuther thing. We haint got no more rite tu laff at fashun, than we hav tu laff at vittels. What a man, or woman eats, if it iz well cooked, iz all rite, and what tha ware, if it iz well cooked, is ditto.—After fashuns hav had their da, then iz the time tu despize them; just so it iz with vittels; cold vittels for instanze.
Nobody iz tu blame for old fashuns. If our grate grand mother shud meet our present mother, both ov them dressed in the fashun ov their respektif daze, tha wud go tu kalling each other old Fools, and we should stan by, and offer tu bet on it. If evry boddy had a fashun ov their own, it wud make az mutch trubble az a shinplaster kurrensy. Them that sett the fashun, aught tu be vartuous and big minded, bekauze the morals ov a people are just about az mutch inflooensed by fashun az tha are by religun. In them daze, when tha had no partiklar fashun, tha didn't hav partiklar enny thing else. It iz more evidense ov vanitee to rejek fashun, than it iz tu adopt it.
Evra boddy, more or lessly, hankers after fashun. Fashun makes the poor ambishus, and it makes the rich affabil; it makes the vartuous cheerful, and it makes the humbly kind ov handsum, and thare iz no reson why it shud make the modest bold, enny more than elegense shud make the butiful wicked. Thare has alwus bin wolfs in sheeps clothing, and fashun will okasionally be used for the same purpis, but that aint enny reson why mutton aint good, nor why fashun shud be hipokrasy. Bekauze sum peopil are slaves tu fashun only proves its power, and yu will find that thoze who are its slaves are ginerally free from moste ov the big sins that humin natur iz subjec tu. The big minded, and the noble, adopt fashun jist az tha du enny uther proper kustom, simpla bekause it iz the fashun.