Lizzy.—Yu sa yu are sixteen years old, and aint marrid yet. That looks a little dusty, but don't dispare, az long az thare iz life theres hope. If i hear ov enny boddy looking around for a woman, ill let yu kno forthwithly. Send me forty or fifty ov yure fotograffs, tha are good things tu skatter around luce. Az i ced in mi last letter i kant la doun no rule tu kech a hustband, men kant tell themselves half the time what ketched them, awl tha kno iz that tha git keched the cussedest evra now and then.
Matilda.—Lap dogs are verry skase jist now prinsipally owing tew the skasity ov them. I see one yesterda that was almost heavenly. The owner asked 50 dollars for him, he had sore eys, and the itch, but tha tell me that awl lap dogs haz theze trifling komplantes. I saw anuther one, which the owner onla asked thirty-five dollars for, he had small sized fits, but waz warrented not tew hav more than three fits in enny one da. I think this dog iz jist what yu are looking for; i offered thirty-seven dollars for him, if the owner wud heave in a vial ov fits medisin. He is tew giv me an anser tomorrow.
P. S.—I hav bought the dog and will send him bi xpress. hiz name iz Agusty Seazer.
ON WIDDERS.
Widders are an interesting studdy. Tha ma be dividid (tew anser our purpis,) into 3 classes: The Lone, The Grass, and The Star Spangled Banner Widder. The Lone Widder iz ginerally selebrated for her piety, she haz passed the middle ov life, she knows she haz got gra hairs in her hed, she will tell her age, and talks tenderla ov her ded husband. Her grief iz sober, her weeds are rank, if she iz ritch, she is charitable, if she is poor, she is humble. She seldum marrys the sekund time. Her cheerfulness never bekums gayety, and her sorrow never bekums lamentashun. If she has children, she treats them as the partners ov her bereavment, if she has none, she bends down tew those she meets as she wud tew the arly flower in her pathway. Her hole life is a glora tew her sek, and an honour evra da tew him whose good memry amung men she perpetuates.
The Grass Widder is marrid without enny husband. She keeps house at a hotel, and kalls the servants bi familiar names. She sez that her husband is a kurnel in the armee. Her thesis is unkongenial tempraments, she kan repeat Don Juan, and hides Boccassio's tales under her pillow. If she wud ride out she orders a coach, and a gentleman; if she is ritch, she is arrogant, if she is poor, she is brasen. She kalls virtue prudery, and sez she wouldn't swop chastity with Dianner. If her kurnel is fortunate enuff tew git shot in battle, yu ma meet her and hiz Lutenant at Nuport nex summer, marrid—for the season.