The Star Spangled Widder iz yung, ornamental, and—a fule. She marrid her husband bekauze hiz name waz Alphonzo, and she mourns for him in at least 50 feet ov krape. Her fingers are as jewelled as the hilt ov a Spanish dagger. She was eddikated at a fust klass seminare, with a 9 months' vakashun in it evry year, and talks awl the languages, excep english, bravely. She gases on you from beneath her limber eyelashes, as pensiv as a wel fed kitten. Yu ma think she wants tew marry, but she thinks she onla wants a friend. If she shud snare some old feller, with a full puss, she wil make him a good toddy stik for his beverage. She has more chastity than sens, and more vartue than affeckshun.
Upon refleckshun i am disposed tew sa that there iz no condishun that a woman iz kalled upon tew fill so delikate, and so diffikult, as the widder; a condishun in which the lovlaness ov their naturs kan be made tew challenge our respek and admirashun, az alzo, a condishun in which their frailties may exsite our abhorrense, and their weakness, our disguss—Amen!
THINGS THAT I DON'T HANKER AFTER TO SEE.
A man out at the elbows, and his wife out tew a woman's rites convenshun.
A yung lady ov more circumference than the diameter ov her father's real estate.
A boy under 15 with over 15 bad habits.
A long bill at the tailor's, that belongs tew a short Bill at the St. Nicholas.
A man who haz more hair under his nose than knows under his hair.
A virgin who haz beat 40, afrade ov a rane bo.
A pollytision leading in prayer.
A man whoze houze wants painting a different culler from hiz noze.
Charitee that evra boddy knowz ov.
A house so divided agin itself, that it dont kno which wa tew fall.
"Augers that won't bore," unless tha kan hav the privilege ov splitting.
Josh Billings goes in bathing at Long Branch.—See page [133].