Upon the whole, after weighing the matter camly, i hav cum tew the sanguine konklusion, that the hight ov human happyness in this life, consists in being unhappy, and not kno it.
LVII.
PHILOSOPHEE OV THE BILLINGS FAMILEE,
AS SOT DOWN BI JOSH.
I pray you, never seem tew want enny thing.
If you hav not got even a wheelbarrow, talk with grate ease about a horse and carriage.
If you are caught with a rent in yure coat, be az mutch serprised at first as he who diskovers it, (a rent iz but the episode ov a moment,) but do not be mortified, even if he iz curious.
If questioned about yure ansesstors, remember that the further back you go, the more safely you may lay yure claims—you had just az menny relashuns in Knower's ark, az enny body kan show.
Eat puddin and milk simply becaus it is healthy. Hire a back seat in the church, so az tew be the first out, in kase ov fire.