When you are asked tew admirate an equipage, dew it warmly, but suggest that you never indulge in horses, on akount ov their liability tew glanders.
If you are poor, ask Alexander tew stand out ov your sunshine. If you are rich, ask him tew stand in it.
Dew not envy ennything on arth, not even a man's virtues, for them you kan git az well az he.
Talk familiarly ov wealth—deceave every one but yourself.
Never show the world mutch ov yure hart; keep that for Him who made it, and knose its impulses.
N.B.—This philosophee has made the Billings family what they am.
LVIII.
AMERIKANS.
Amerikans love caustick things; they would prefer turpentine tew colone-water, if they had tew drink either.