Number One—Gothick cottage, (with chimbleys, and windo blinds attached,) and water, (in the suller,) lokated for the present on the south-east angle ov Soap and Myrtle streets; house kontains a bay windo; would suit a lawyer or a blacksmith. Rent, for the summer months, (including the good will ov the naberhood,) $4,500. No children and doggs aloud on the premises. Cards, tew view the hous, kan be obtained ov the agent (admitting a gentleman and 2 ladys) for the trifling sum ov 5 dollars. N.B.—This hous waz taken yesterday, and customers are forbid tew bother the agent bi inquiring about it.
Number Two—Will be tew rent in a fu daze; the hous iz being put in perfeck order bi being whitewashed, and the floor sprinkled with sum sand. This hous is a cross ov the Ionian & Dorick style, waz built when lumber waz skarse, and iz almitey hard finished throughout, rat-holes awl plugged up, and a bottle ov bed bugg pizen, neatly labeled, and hung up in each room. To a tenant who kan bring testimony, and a good pedigree, this hous would be leased for a term ov 30 or 40 years, for about 2,500 hundred dollars a year, the tenant tew pay the taxes, and remove the mortgages now on the premises, and put in the gass, and git the hous insured for 6,000 dollars, and assign the polisy tew the agent az collatteral security for the faithful performanse ov the kontrakt. N.B.—If thare iz enny things else that i hav forgot tew menshun about the terms, the tenant kan hav them inserted, when the papers are drawed up, without extra charge.
Number Three—Iz kompletely furnished with gass fixtures and meether, and ile cloth in the front hall, and pegs in the closets, and back verandy. This delightful property iz now occupied bi a phisician, ("whose sands ov life hav about run out,") and sum ov the rent would be took in boarding the phisician ("whose sand iz about run thru,") and hiz wife, and wife's oldest sister, and her unkle, and the 9 children, who are awl lite eaters, havin bin kept for the laste 6 months on sperm kandle soup. Tew a tenant who could loan the phisician $1,500 or two thousand dollars, and take a first mortgage on the furniture in the hous, a liberal rent would be named, payable quarterly in advanse. P.S.—fust cum, fust git.
Number Four—Iz the property ov a two-millionaire, who iz about going tew Urope with hiz entire family, tew spend sum munny. This hous haz one ov Chickering's 10 oktave, iron-frame, overstrung bass, rosewood, round kornered, pearl keyed, pianners, built expressly for the owner bi Mr. Chickering himself, after the design ov the pantheon in Rome, (Italy,) and also haz a hole cut thru the roof, from which the North star kan be distinktly seen with the naked eye. Rent iz no objeck—tew a small family ov one or two persons, this hous could be had, if applied for within 2 daze, at the nominal prise ov 20,000 dollars a month, reckoning 26 working days tew the month.
Also—A superb hoss ov a black culler, warranted 16 hands hi, ov grate enduranse, tew stand without tieing, and kan trot in 2:53; would make a good card for a hearse hoss.
XXII.
LAUGHING.
It never haz been proved, that enny ov the animal kreation hav attempted tew laff, (we are quite certain that none hav succeded;) thus this deliteful episode and pleasant power appears tew be entirely within the province ov humans. It iz the language ov infancy—the eloquense ov childhood,—and the power tew laff is the power to be happy. It is becoming tew awl ages and conditions; and (with the very few exceptions, sakred tew sorrow) an honest, hearty laff iz always agreeable and in order. It iz an index ov karakter, and betrays sooner than words.—Laffing keeps oph sickness, and haz conquered az menny diseases az ever pills have, and at mutch less expense.—It makes flesh, and keeps it in its place.—It drives away weariness and brings a dream ov sweetness tew the sleeper.—It never iz covetous.—It ackompanys charity, and iz the handmaid ov honesty.—It disarms revenge, humbles pride, and iz the talisman ov kontentment.—Sum have kalled it a weakness—a substitute for thought, but really it strengthens wit, and adorns wisdum, invigorates the mind, gives language ease, and expreshun elegance.—It holds the mirror up tew beauty; it strengthens modesty, and makes virtue heavenly. It iz the light ov life; without it we should be but animated ghosts. It challenges fear, hides sorrow, weakens despair, and carries haff ov poverty's bundles.—It costs nothing, comes at the call, and leaves a brite spot behind.—It iz the only index ov gladness, and the only buty that time kannot effase.—It never grows old; it reaches from the cradle clear tew the grave. Without it, love would be no pashun, and fruition would show no joy.—It iz the fust and the last sunshine that visits the heart; it was the warm welkum ov Eden's lovers, and was the only capital that sin left them tew begin bizzness with outside the Garden ov Pardise.