XXIII.
LYING.
As easy az it iz to lie, I am astonished that thare are so few engaged in the bizzness, and that so few fust-rate lies are ever told.
I am not prepared to say how mutch real sin thare iz in what iz kalled a light-colored lie, that haz no maliss or evil result in it, but I have alwus notised that the heft ov mankind love to excel in awl they undertake, and I can't tell how long a man would be willing to tell white lies for fun when he might be turning an honest penny for himself by telling black ones.
Men don't generally bekum drunkards by confinning themselfs stricktly tew sweet sider.
Lieing is the lowest grade of sin,—it is more cowardly than stealing, bekause thare is less risk in it—it is more demoralising than burglary, bekause there is no cure for it,—it is more dangerous than swareing, bekause swareing don't hurt enny boddy else,—it waz the fust sin committed, bekause it was the easiest and most natral, and it will probably be the last one committed, bekause no man ever gits so poor and degraded but what he kan tell quite a respectabel lie.
Lieing is said tew be constitushionall in sum folks,—so is the itch constitushionall, because folks hang around whare it is, and won't doktor for it after they git caught by it.
Finally—I might as well own it—I hav told a few very fair lies myself, but i kant reckollect ov one that I feel proud ov now.
XXIV.