Treason is one ov them kind ov stains that wash well.
If a man has got tew be poor aul his life, I aint sure but it would be sum munny in his pocket tew be ignorant.
Fust class virtu is alwus anxus tew avoid temptashun.
Yu kant transplant a Yaukee suckcessfully without taking up a good deal ov the sile with the roots.
Originality in writing is as diffikult as gitting a fishpole by the side ov a trout brook—aul the good poles hav bin cut long ago.
It is easy enuff tew git religion, but tew hold it is what bothers a fellow. A good grip is better than rubis—yea! than mutch fine cotten cloth.
I enjoy a good laff—one that rushes out ov a man's soul like the breaking up ov a Sunday school; but a laff that cums tew the surface, as the hickucks cum, or backs out ov a man, like the struggles ov a chicken choked with a chunk ov haff wet dough, i utterly lament.
Thare aint no poetry in poverty, but enny number ov feet ov blank verse.
When a fellow knows he is being stared at, it makes him act as unnatral as though he wos setting fur his picktur.
I am called a "broad humorist," and i am glad ov it: thare is plenty ov narrow humorists in the country without me.