I hav tried it, and kno what i am talkin about.
If enny boddy asks yu whi yu got married, (if it needs be), tell him, yu don’t reccollekt.
Marriage iz a safe way to gamble—if yu win, yu win a pile, and if yu loze, yu don’t loze enny thing, only the privilege ov living dismally alone, and soaking yure own feet.
I repeat it, in italicks, marry young!
Thare iz but one good excuse for a marriage late in life, and that iz—a second marriage.
FASHION’S PRAYER.
Kind Fortune may thi mersys endure forever; smile thou out ov thi loving eyes upon this fine bust ov mine.
Strengthen mi husband, and may hiz faith and hiz money hold out to the last.
Draw the lamb’s wool ov unsuspicious twilight over hiz 39 eyes, that mi flirtashuns may look to him like viktorys, and that mi bills may strengthen hiz pride in me.
Bless, oh! Fortune, mi crimps, rats, and frizzles, and let thi glory shine upon mi paint and powder.