Jupiter, the Peterfunk, god ov the anshunts, had a grate taste for eagles, if we kan beleave what the poeks sing.
I hav seen the bald-headed eagle and shot them in all their native majesty, and look upon them with the same kind ov venerashun that i do upon all sheep stealers.
NATRAL HISTORY.
It is not the moste deliteful task, tew write the natral history ov the Louse, thare iz enny quantity of thorobred folks, who would konsidder it a kontaminashun, az black az pattent leather, to say louse, or even think louse, but a louse is a fackt, and aul fackts are never more at home, nor more unwilling to move, than when they git into the head. The louse is one ov the gems ov antiquity. They are worn in the hair, and are more ornamental than useful.
Not having enny encyclopedia from which tew sponge mi informashun, and then pass it oph for mi own creashun, i shall be forced, while talking about the louse, “tew fight it out on the line” ov observashun, and when mi knowledge, and experience 184 gives out, i shall tap mi imaginashun, ov which i hav a crude supply.
Book edukashun iz a phatting thing, it makes a man stick out with other folks opinyuns, and iz a good thing tu make the vulgar rool up the white ov their eyes, and wonder how enny man could ever kno so mutch wisdum.
Schooling, when I waz a colt, didn’t lie around so loose az it duz now, and learning waz picked up oftner by running yure head aginst a stun wall, than by enny other kind ov mineralogy.
I have studied botany all day, in a flat meadow, pulling cowslops for greens, and then classified them, by picking them over and gitting them reddy for the pot.
All the astronomy i ever got i larnt in spearing suckers bi moonlite, and mi geoligy culminated at the further end of a woodchucks hole, espeshily if i got the woodchuck.
Az for moral philosophy and rhetorick, if it iz the science ov hooking green apples and water-mellons 30 years ago, and being auful sorry for it now, i am up head in that class.