THE NEAT PERSON.
They rize before daylight, so az to begin scrubbing early, and go tew bed before dark for fear things will begin tew git 361 dirty. These kind ov excessiv neat folks are not alwus very literary, but they know soft water from hard bi looking at it, and they kan tell what kind ov soap will fetch oph the dirt best. They are sum like a kitchin gardin—very regularly laid out, but not planted yet.
If mi wife waz one ov these kind ov neatnesses I would love her more than ever, for i do luv awl the different kinds ov neatness; but i think we would keep house by travelling round awl the time, and not stay but one night in a place, and i don’t think she would undertake tew skrub up the whole ov the United States ov Amerika.
OUR OLDEST INHABITANTS—TWO OF THEM.
JOHN BASCOMB.
John Bascomb iz now living in Coon Hollow, Raccoon county, State ov Iowa.
He iz 196 years old, and kan read fine print by moonlite 33 feet oph.
He remembers Gen. Washington fust rate, and once lent him 10 dollars teu buy a pair ov kaff skin boots with.
He fit in the revolushun, also in the war ov 1812, likewize in the late melee, and sez he won’t take sass now from enny man living.
He iz a hard shell baptiss by religion, and sez he will die for hiz religion.