The fust thing he duz in the morning iz teu take a short drink, about 2 inches, and then for an hour before brekfasst he reads the allmanax. (I will here state that it iz “Josh Billings’ Farmers’ Almanax” that he reads.)
I asked him hiz opinyun ov gin and milk az a fertilizer. He pronounsed it bogus, and sed that the good old hard-shell drink, whiskey unadorned, waz the only speerits that never went bak on a man.
Hiz habits are simple. For brekfast he generally et four 363 slices ov psalt pork, 3 biled pertatoze, a couple ov sassagis, 5 hot bisskit, a dozen ov hard biled eggs, 2 kups ov rhye coffe, a small plate ov slapjax, sum phew pickles, and cold cabbage and vinegar, if thare waz enny left from yesterday’s dinner.
Hiz dinner waz alwus a lite one, and he seldum et ennything but sum biled mutton, sum korned beef, sum kold ham, and sum injun puddin tew top oph with.
Hiz suppers were mere nothing, and konsisted simply ov kold psalt pork, kold korned beef, kold biled mutton, and, once in a grate while, a phew slices ov kold ham, with mustard and hoss reddish.
I examined hiz hed and found that he had all the usual bumps in a remarkable state ov preservashun.
He haz a good ear for musik, and whisselled me Yankee Doodle, with variashuns.
He waz born a shumaker, but hasn’t done ennything at the trade for the last 125 years. He enjoys the best ov health, but just now he iz teething, which he tells me iz hiz 7th sett.
He iz a firm beleaver in the Darwin theory, and sez he used teu hear hiz grate-grandfather tell ov a race ov men sumwhare down on the coast ov Florida, who had sum little ov the kaudle appendix still remaining.
On the subjekt ov marriage hiz hed seems teu be ded level. He sed “that he had been married 15 times, and proposed again teu Hannah Campbell, a lady in the naberhood, who waz 28 years old.”