When we had seen her magisty’s soil, and safely recrost the flimsy span again, i am willing tew say i had suffered all the suspension bridge glory that i wanted.
We were welcomed on our return tew the hotel, with open arms, and two hot lemonades, with a little old rye lurking in one ov them.
I took mine without enny wry face, and whispered tew my soul, as the last swallow went reluctently down end ways, “suspension bridges may be a good risk tew take, but a hot lemonade whiskee iz better.”
Thare iz one thing that Niagara don’t lack, whatever may be her moral defaults in other matters, and that iz professional guides.
Upwards ov fifty different people waz anxious to guide me tew the strong points ov the place.
One pale faced youth, more clamorous than the rest, with 389 pattent leather boots, which had been new at the hight of the last summer seazon, but which had bekum seazon cracked and bulged severely at the roots ov each bigg toe, wanted tew guide me so mutch that i finally told him he might guide me sum if he would be keerful.
During the time this innocent youth waz in mi company he told me more than 275 original and deeply interesting lies.
He showed me whare Jim Buchanan killed the grate injun warrier, Tecumser, in a hand to-hand scuffle, which lasted three hours and seven minnits, during which time hiz own grand father held the watch, and he pointed out the tree that Major Andree waz hung on, and showed me the identical house in the distance whare Robert Burnes wrote the immortal ode tew hiz Highland Mary, and also the private residence, (and banking house) ov the Hon. John Morrisey, and probably would have shown me the Plymouth rock, whare our fore-fathers landed, if I had asked him to do it.
But when i told him that John Morrisey had been dead more than fifteen years, he diskovered that i wan’t so green.
He also offered tew sell me, for two dollars and fifty cents, a lock of auburn hair, from the young lady’s head who past, last spring, in high water, safely over the falls, seated on the round side ov a hemlock slab, playing “A life on the ocean wave” on a base vial.