It may seem a leetle strange, tew these latter day saints, tew hear me mix up rum and religion together, but i had an Unkle, who preached God’s word in the next town south ov New Ashford, 80 years ago, who died in due time, and went to heaven.
This genial old saint alwus took, on week daze, three magnificent horns ov rum and tanzy, and Sundaze he took four.
I hav no doubt it lengthened out hiz time, and braced up hiz faith.
But i wouldn’t advise enny ov the yung klergy ov to-day tew meddle with rum and tanzy, az a fertilizer.
The tanzy iz all rite—it grows az green and az bitter az ever; for man kant adulturate it, but the rum haz bin bedeviled into rank pizon.
One sich horn az mi old unkle used tew absorb between hiz sermons on Sunday (5 inches, good and strong) would disfranchise a whole drove ov preachers now.
In them daze, the preacher waz a stalwart man, and could mo his swarth in the hay field, with the best ov them, and could ride a hard trotting cob or a hoss, 6 miles an hour, all day, akrost the mountains, and set doun at night, to biled pork and kabbage, and kold injun puddin, and after thanking the Lord for his menny mersys, eat hiz way klean to the middle ov the table.
But times, and men, hav altered, and so haz rum and tanzy.
I dont want them good old times tew cum back agin, we aint pure enuff now tew stand them, neither are we tuff enuff.
Our virtews may be az pure in the eyes ov heaven, but they kant stand the biled pork, and rum, ov one hundred years ago.