Oh! the bliss ov living up in New Ashford, cluss bi the side ov a grate giant mountain tew guard yu, whare every thing iz az still as a boys tin whissell at midnite, a musketo couldn’t liv long enuff tew take one bite, whare board iz only 4 dollars a week, and everyboddy, kats and all, at 9 clok, P. M., are fast asleep, and snoreing.
BENDS.
Historians and biographers having refused tew giv enny transparent account ov the various Bends that hav got into things, us naturalists have passed a resolushun tew take them up az a kind ov estrays, and tew treat of them in a joyful and flexible manner.
The most butiful, az well az truest bilt Bend, in this grate republick, iz the rainbow.
For the informashun ov the scholler we shall simply state that this Bend iz only seen in the east, and haz not yet reached the west, altho the enterprising people who liv in thoze parts undoubtedly will soon hav them, on a mutch bigger and improved plan.
Bends are both natral and artyfishall, and among the natral ones it will, perhaps, be well enuff tew menshun north Bend, in the State ov Ohio, the home ov General Harrison, formerly a President ov the grate republick; and also south Bend, in the State ov Indiana, the residence ov Schuyler Colfax, who, while i am putting down these remarks, iz running very fast for the Vice Presidency ov this grate republick with a certainty ov winning that iz butiful tew behold.
(Later—He haz won.)
Another wonderful and awe-inspiring Bend in this grate republick is the political Bend.
This Bend iz az common and az limber az the figger 8.
It kan stand on her hed, or on her feet, or lay down on her side, and be the same thing all the time.