Now i don’t advise ennybody else tew depend for their learning upon sich prekarious school masters, the best way iz tew follow the ruts, it will take you to town just az it did yure daddy.
The route that i travel iz cirkuitus and blind sometimes, it haz now and then a vista, or a landscape in it, that iz worth, tew me, more than a farm ov tillable land, but you kant raize good white beans on a landskape.
Whenever i drop mi subject, and begin tew strut in the subburbs ov sentimentility and proverbial pomposity, i alwus think ov a gobble turkey, in a barn-yard, on dress parade, and that is jist what i am thinking ov now, and therefore i will dismount from the turkey, and git aboard the monkey, (the monkey az he am) once more.
Pure deviltry iz the monkeys right bower; he iz only valuable, (az personal property) tew look at, and wonder what he iz a going tew do next.
He iz a jack at all trades, put him in a barber shop, he will lather, and try tew shave himself, and color his mustash, put him in a dri good store, and he will handle more goods, than the best retail clerk in A. T. Stewart’s employ.
The monkey haz not got a logikal head, it iz tew mutch like a pin hed, all in a heap to onst, but hiz face is a concentrated dew drop of malishus mischief.
He resembles the rat tarrier in countenance, and skratches hiz hed, az natral az a distrikt skool boy, and undoubtedly for the same reason.
Monkeys never grow enny older in expreshun, a yung monkey looks just like his grandpapa, melted up and born again.
They are sometimes kept as pets, but i should rather watch two adopted orphan boys, fresh from the Home of the Friendless, than two monkeys.
They will eat everything that a man will, except bolony sarsage, here they show more instinkt, than reason.