Occasional Thoughts in Reference to a Vertuous or Christian life

by Lady Damaris Masham

But natural Affection apart, it should be consider'd by these, that no one is Born into the World to live idly; enjoying the Fruit and Benefit of other Peoples Labours, without contributing reciprocally some way or other, to the good of the Community answerably to that Station wherein God (the common Father of all) has plac'd them; who has evidently intended Humane kind for Society and mutual Communion, as Members of the same Body, useful every one each to other in their respective places. Now in what can Women whose Condition puts them above all the Necessities or Cares of a mean or scanty Fortune, at once so honourably and so usefully, both to themselves and others, be employ'd in as in looking after the Education and Instruction of their own Children? This seems indeed to be more particularly the Business and Duty of such than of any others: And if example be necessary to perswade them that they will not herein do any thing mis-becoming their Rank, the greatest Ladies amongst us may be assur'd that those of a Condition superior to theirs, have heretofore been so far from thinking it any abasement to them to charge themselves with the instruction of their own Children, that (to their Immortal Honour) they have made it part of their Business to assist to that of other Peoples also, who were likely one day to be of consequence to the Common-wealth. And could the bare Love of their Country induce, among many more, the great Cornelia, Mother of the Gracchi, and Aurelia the Mother of Julius Caesar, to do this for the Sons of Noble-men of Rome to whom they had no Relation but that of their common Country, and shall not the like consideration, or what is infinitely beyond this, that of their Children being hereafter for ever happy or miserable, accordingly as they live in this World, prevail with the Ladies of our Days, who call themselves Christians, to employ some of their Time and Pains upon their own Off-spring? The care of which (as has been said) should begin with the first Years of Childrens Lives, in curbing at the earliest appearance thereof, every their least evil inclination; and accustoming them to an absolute, constant, and universal Submission and Obedience to the Will of those who have the disposal of them: Since they will hardly ever after (especially in a great Fortune) be govern'd by their own Reason, who are not made supple to that of others, before they are able to judge of fit and unfit, by any other measure than as it is the Will, or not, of such whom they believe to have a just Power over them. As they do become capable of examining and determining their Actions by Reason, they should be taught never to do any thing of consequence heedlesly; and to look upon the Dictates of their Reason as so inviolable a Rule of their Determinations, that no Passion or Appetite must ever make them swerve therefrom. But instead of following this Method, it is commonly thought too soon to correct Children for any thing, 'till the Season is past for this sort of Discipline; which, if it come too late, is commonly so far from producing the good it was design'd for, that losing the benefit of Correction (which, if duly apply'd, is of infinite use) it turns to a Provocation; and renders stiff and incorrigible a Temper it was meant to supple. Nor is it seldom that through this wrong tim'd Discipline, together with that remisness and inequality wherewith Childrens Inclinations are over-rul'd, their Parents Government over them seems to them not a Natural, and just right establish'd for their benefit, but a Tyrannick and Arbritary Power, which accordingly they without Remorse disobey, whenever they believe that they can do so with Impunity: And what is still worse, their evil Dispositions, for the most part, are not only not timely enough restrain'd, but Children are actually taught to indulge to their naturally irregular Inclinations, by those Vicious or wretchedly ignorant People, who are plac'd about them; and who almost universally instil down-right Vice into them, even before they can well speak; as Revenge, Covetousness, Pride and Envy: Whilst the silly Creatures who do them so unspeakable Mischiefs are scarce capable of being made to understand the harm that they do; but think Parents ill-natur'd, or that they have fancies fit only to be smil'd at, who will deny their Child a thing for no other reason, it may be, but because he has desir'd it: And who before he is trusted to go alone will check his Resentment, Impatience, Avarice, or Vanity, which they think becomes him so prettily; neither will suffer him to be rewarded for doing what they bid him to do.

This I am sure, that who so has try'd how very little Sense is to be met with, or can be infus'd into Nurses, and Nurse-Maids; and with what difficulty even the best of them by those who make it their business to watch over them, are restrain'd from what they are perswaded has no hurt in it, will soon be satisfy'd how little fit it is to trust Children any more than is necessary, in such Hands. And no wiser than such, if not much worse, are the greatest part of those who are usually their immediate Successors, viz. young Scholars and French Maids, erected into Tutors and Governesses, only for the sake of a little Latin and French.

In Mr. L—— s excellent Treatise of Education, he shews how early and how great a Watchfulness and Prudence are requisite to the forming the Mind of a Child to Vertue; and whoso shall read what he has writ on that Subject, will, it is very likely, think that few Mothers are qualify'd for such an undertaking as this: But that they are not so is the Fault which should be amended: In the mean time nevertheless, their presum'd willingness to be in the right, where the Happiness of their Children is concerned in it, must certainly inable them, if they were but once convinc'd that this was their Duty, to perform it much better than such People will do, who have as little Skill and Ability for it as themselves; and who besides, that they rarely desire to learn any more than they have, are not induc'd by Affection to do for those under their care all the Good that they can. Since then the Affairs either of Men's Callings, or of their private Estates, or the Service of their Country (all which are indispensibly their Business) allows them not the leisure to look daily after the Education of their Children; and that, otherwise, also they are naturally less capable than Women of that Complaisance and Tenderness, which the right Instruction and Direction of that Age requires; and since Servants are so far from being fit to be rely'd upon in that great concern, that to watch against the Impediments they actually bring thereto, is no small part of the care that a wise Parent has to take; I do presume that (ordinarily speaking) this so necessary a Work of forming betimes the Minds of Children so as to dispose them to be hereafter Wise and Vertuous Men and Women, cannot be perform'd but by Mothers only. It being a thing practicable but by a very few to purchase the having always Wise, Vertuous and well Bred People, to take the place of a Parent in governing their Children; and together with them such Servants and Teachers, as must peculiarly be employ'd about them; For the World does not necessarily abound with such Persons as these, and in such circumstances as not to pretend to more profitable employments than Men of one or two thousand Pounds a Year (and much less those great numbers who have smaller Estates) can often afford to make the care of governing their Children from their Infancy to be. The procuring of such a Person as this may (by accident) sometimes be in such a ones Power; but to propose the ingaging for reward whenever there shall be need for them, vertuous, wife, and well-bred Men and Women, to spend their time in taking care of the Education of young Children, is what can be done but by a very few; since the doing this would not be found an easy charge to the greater part of almost any rank amongst us; unless they would be content for the sake hereof to abridge themselves of some of their extravagant Expences; which are usually the last that Men will deny themselves.

It is indeed wonderful (if we consider Men as rational Creatures) to see how much Mony they will often bestow, not upon their Vices only, (for this is not so unaccountable) but upon meerly fashionable Vanities, which give them more Trouble than Pleasure in the enjoyment: Yet at the same time be as sparing, as is possible, of cost upon a Child's Education; and it is certain, that for Rewards considerable enough to make it worth their while, those of a far different Character from such as for the most part undertake it, would be induc'd to accept even the early charge of Childrens Instruction. But every Gentleman of a good Family, or good Estate also, is not in Circumstances to propound such sufficient Rewards; and for what the most can afford to give, very few capable of performing this matter well, will trouble themselves about it; at least with such Pupils as must be attended with Nurses or Maids. Wherefore no other remedy, I believe, can be found but in returning still to our Conclusion, That this great concernment, on which no less than Peoples Temporal and Eternal Happiness does mightily depend, ought to be the Care and Business of Mothers. Nor do Women seem less peculiarly adapted by Nature hereunto, than it can be imagin'd they should be, if the Author of Nature (as no doubt he did) design'd this to be their Province in that division of Cares of Humane Life, which ought to be made between a Man and his Wife. For that softness, gentleness and tenderness, natural to the Female Sex, renders them much more capable than Men are of such an insinuating Condescention to the Capacities of young Children, as is necessary in the Instruction and Government of them, insensibly to form their early Inclinations. And surely these distinguishing Qualities of the Sex were not given barely to delight, when they may, so manifestly, be profitable also, if joyn'd with a well informed Understanding: From whence, viz. from Womans being naturally thus fitted to take this care of their little Ones, it follows, that besides the injustice done to themselves thereby, it is neglecting the Direction of Nature for the well breeding up of Children, when Ladies are render'd uncapable hereof, through the want of such due improvements of their Reason as are requisite hereunto.

That this has been no more reflected upon from a Principle of Pitty to that tender Age of Children which so much requires help, seems very strange: For what can move a juster Commiseration than to see such poor innocents, so far from having the Aid they stand in need of, that even those who the most wish to do them good, and who resent, with the deepest Compassion, every little Malady which afflicts their Bodies, do never attempt to rescue them from the greatest evils which attend them in this Life, but even themselves assist to plunge them therein, by cherishing in them those Passions which will inevitably render them miserable? A thing which can never be otherwise whilst Women are bred up in no right Notions of Religion and Vertue; or to know any use of Reason but in the service of their Passions and Inclinations; or at best of their (comparatively trivial) Interests.

To assert upon this occasion, that Ladies would do well, if, before they came to the care of Families, they did imploy some of their many idle Hours in gaming a little Knowledge in Languages, and the useful Sciences, would be, I know, to contradict the Sense of most Men; but yet, I think, that such an Assertion admits of no other Confutation than the usual one which opposite Opinions to theirs are wont to receive from People who Reason not, but live by Fancy, and Custom; viz. being laugh'd at: For it cannot be deny'd that this Knowledge would hereafter be more, or less, useful to Ladies, in inabling them either themselves to teach their Children, or better to over-see and direct, those who do so: And tho' Learning is perhaps the least part in Education, it is not to be neglected; but even betimes taken some care of, least a Habit of Idleness, or Inapplication of the Mind be got, which once contracted, is very hardly cur'd.

This being so, and that the beginnings of all Science are difficult to Children (who cannot like grown People fix their Attention) it is justly to befear'd that they should by the ill usage they receive from the impatience and peevishness of such Teachers, as Servants, or Young Tutors, take an Aversion to Learning (and we see in effect, that this very frequently happens). For the Teaching of little Children so as not to disgust them, does require much greater Patience and Address, than common People are often capable of; or than most can imagine, who have not had experience hereof. But should such Teachers as we have spoke of, have the necessary complaisance for those they Teach, there is then, on the other side, a yet greater danger to be apprehended from them, which is that their Pupils will become fond of them; the bad effect of which will be, That by an Affectation Natural in Children of imitating those they Love, they will have their Manners and Dispositions Tinctur'd and Tainted by those of Persons so dear to them.

Now both the inconveniences here mention'd, might, at least in great measure, if not wholly, be Remedy'd, would Mothers but be at so much Pains as to Teach their Children either altogether, or in good part themselves, what it is fit for them to learn in the first Eight or Ten Years of their Lives. As to Read English perfectly; To understand ordinary Latin; and Arithmetick; with some general knowledge of Geography, Chronology, and History. Most, or all of which things may at the above-said Age be understood by a Child of a very ordinary capacity; and may be so taught Children as that they may learn them almost insensibly in Play, if they have skilful Teachers: It seems to me therefore that Young Ladies cannot better employ so much of their Time as is requisite hereto, than in acquiring such Qualifications as these, which may be of so great use to them hereafter; however, if any who have not made this early Provision of such Science, are yet truly desirous to do their Children all the good that is in their Power to do them, they may, tho' not with the same Facility, yet be able to instruct them alike, notwithstanding that disadvantage; and Mr. L—— on the Experience thereof, has asserted, That a Mother who understands not Latin before hand, may yet teach it to her Child; which, if she can, it is not to be doubted but that she may do the same of all the rest; for such a Superficial Knowledge as will serve to enter any one in every of the above-named Sciences, is much easier attain'd than the Latin Tongue; and if a Mother have ever so little more Capacity than her Child, she may easily keep before him, in teaching both him and her self together; whereby she will make herself the best Reparation that she can for her past neglect, or that of her Parents herein: Who yet, perhaps, not from negligence may have declin'd giving her this advantage. For Parents sometimes do purposely omit it from an apprehension that should their Daughters be perceiv'd to understand any learned Language, or be conversant in Books, they might be in danger of not finding Husbands; so few Men, as do, relishing these accomplishments in a Lady. Nor, probably, would even the example of a Mother herself who was thus qualify'd, and likewise understood, as is afore-said, her Religion, be any great incouragement to her Daughters to imitate her example, but the contrary. For this Knowledge, one part whereof is so strictly the Duty of a Christian, and the other so inconsiderable to those whose Time commonly lies upon their Hands, would in itself, or in the consequences of it, expose a young Woman of Quality (especially if not thought unfit for the fashionable Commerce of the World) to be characteriz'd or censur'd, as would not be very pleasing to her. For if it be consider'd, that she who did seriously desire to make the best use of what she knew, would necessarily be oblig'd (for the gaining of Time wherein she might do so) to order the Course, and manner of her Life something differently from others of her Sex and Condition, it cannot be doubted but that a Conduct, which carry'd with it so much Reproach to Woman's Idleness, and disappointment to Men's Vanity, would quickly be judg'd fit to be ridicul'd out of the World before others were infected by the example. So that the best Fate which a Lady thus knowing, and singular, could expect, would be that hardly escaping Calumny, she should be in Town the Jest of the Would-be-Witts; tho wonder of Fools, and a Scarecrow to keep from her House many honest People who are to be pitty'd for having no more Wit than they have, because it is not their own Fault that they have no more. But in the Country she would, probably, fare still worse; for there her understanding of the Christian Religion would go near to render her suspected of Heresy even by those who thought the best of her: Whilst her little Zeal for any Sect or Party would make the Clergy of all sorts give her out for a Socinian or a Deist: And should but a very little Philosophy be added to her other Knowledge, even for an Atheist. The Parson of the Parish, for fear of being ask'd hard Questions, would be shy of coming near her, were his Reception ever so inviting; and this could not but carry some ill intimation with it to such as Reverenc'd the Doctor, and who, it is likely, might be already satisfy'd from the Reports of Nurses, and Maids, that their Lady was indeed a Woman of very odd Whimsies. Her prudent Conduct and Management of her affairs would probably secure her from being thought out of her Wits by her near Neighbours; but the Country Gentlemen that wish'd her well, could not yet chuse but be afraid for her, lest too much Learning might in Time make her Mad.

The saving of but one Soul from Destruction, is, it is true, a noble recompense for ten Thousand such Censurers as these; but it is wondrous strange that only to be a Christian, with so much other Knowledge as a Child of Nine or Ten Years Old may, and ought to have, should expose a Lady to so great Reproaches; And what a shame is this for Men whose woful Ignorance is the alone Cause thereof? For it is manifestly true that if the inimitable Author of Les Caracteres, ou les Moeurs de ce Siecle, had demanded in England, who forbids Knowledge to Women? It must have been answer'd him, the Ignorance of the Men does so; and the same Answer I think he might have receiv'd in his own Country.

Monsieur Bruyere says indeed, and likely it is, That Men have made no Laws, or put out any Edicts whereby Women are prohibited to open their Eyes; to Read; to Remember what they Read, and to make use thereof in their Conversation, or in composing of Works. But surely he had little Reason to suppose, as he herein does, that Women could not otherwise than by Laws and Edicts be restrain'd from Learning. It is sufficient for this that no body assists them in it; and that they are made to see betimes that it would be disadvantageous to them to have it. For how few Men are there, that arrive to any Eminence therein? tho' Learning is not only not prohibited to them by Laws and Edicts; but that ordinarily much Care, and Pains, is taken to give it them; and that great Profits, oftentimes, and, always, Honour attends their having it.