“The Minister grants you permission to go home.”
My feelings are better imagined than described. I sprang up, and made the Sign of the Cross, and my hand sought the beloved medal hidden in my dress. So I was really free! I could hardly believe it, surely I could not have heard aright!
The A.D.C. told me to put on my hat and cloak and follow him.... Before I did so he asked me to sign a paper agreeing not to leave Petrograd, and to hold myself in readiness to be interrogated. I did so; then, picking up my suit-case, I went downstairs.
He left me in the hall. I had now apparently lost all interest for him, as he did not trouble to bid me farewell.... He merely pointed out the door, and disappeared. I looked round, hardly daring to move. I was not able to realize that I was free to go when, and where, I chose. I pushed open the heavy door, and found myself in the cold and darkness outside. Not a single fiacre was in sight; I felt too exhausted to move, but I made a supreme effort to walk.... Impossible! My feet slipped in all directions in the melted snow and slush of the road. Suddenly I noticed a man who was regarding me with evident curiosity.... My heart sank. What if this scrutiny meant that I was about to be rearrested?
The man made his way to where I was standing. “Are you Madame Dehn?” he enquired civilly.
“I am.”
“I thought I recognised you, Madame. I’ve been at your house several times. I was formerly Madame Kazarinoff’s footman. Poor, poor Madame, who would have believed this could happen to you. Let me help you. I know where I can find a fiacre.”
He presently returned with a fiacre, and assisted me to get in with all the courtesy and deference of a well-trained servant. I thanked him many times.... He gave the direction to the driver, and we drove away.
It was one in the morning before I arrived home. I rang the bell, and after some delay the door was opened by my maid ... who nearly fainted when she saw me.... I couldn’t speak. My thoughts were concentrated on Titi.... I ran past her upstairs to his room.... It was empty! What had happened—could he be dead? I hurried across the landing to my bedroom.... A light was burning.... Someone was in bed.... Thank God, I recognised the beloved dark head of my boy—he was safe. I fell on my knees beside him. With a little start, and a smile, which was like balm to my yearning heart, Titi awoke....
“Mother, mother....” He flung his arms round me. I covered his face with kisses. “Where have you come from?” he enquired.