In his book, "Making the Most of Children," La Rue says: "We may say there are four kinds of parents,—spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts." The spade parent, he explains, is buried in his work, eager only to clothe attractively the body of the child, but willing that the soul go naked. The club parent is engrossed in social activities; the father with his clubs and sports, the mother with her dinners and entertainments. The diamond parents love glitter and ostentation. They must seem wealthy and prosperous at all cost. They devote their time and thoughts to their home and outward appearance—they never think about knowing their children.
But the heart parent, La Rue tells us, is the man or woman who is essentially a home maker. He provides a library for the child, a cozy room, an environment that is truly home. And he spends time with him, learning all about his hopes and ambitions, encouraging him, teaching him. He knows the child; and the child knows that he has a friend upon whom to depend not only for material comforts but for spiritual advice and guidance.
You must know your children, before you can attempt to make them well-mannered and well-bred.
IMITATION
The strongest force that enters into the molding of children's character and deportment is the character and deportment of their own parents. Youngsters cannot find the beautiful gift of good manners in some unknown place; whatever they do and say is in imitation of something they heard their elders do and say. The whole life of a man or woman is colored by the environment and atmosphere of his or her early childhood.
Children should not be taught "party manners." If they are to be well-bred at all, they must be so at all times; and ill-bred parents can no more have well-bred children than an oak tree can have pine needles. And the chief beauty of perfect manners is that they are so habitual as to be perfectly unconscious.
Of great importance, therefore, is the law of teaching by example. Show the children that you yourself follow the laws of good conduct and courtesy. Whether guests are present or not, let your table etiquette be faultless. Address everyone, and especially the children themselves, with studied courtesy and thoughtfulness. A well-bred child is known immediately by his or her speech; and when courtesy and gentle, polite conversation is the rule in the home, it will follow as the night the day that it will be the rule elsewhere.
Parents invariably feel embarrassment at the ill-manners and lack of courtesy on the part of their children. They would often be able to avoid this embarrassment if they realized that it was simply their manners and lack of courtesy in the home, an indication that they themselves neglect the tenets of good breeding.
THE CHILD'S SPEECH
It is a very grave mistake to repress constantly the speech of children. But it is necessary that they should be taught early the true value of conversation, instead of being permitted to prattle nonsense. An excellent training is to converse with the child when you are alone with him, drawing out his ideas, giving him "food for thought," telling him interesting stories and watching his reactions.