"Nothing to vex or worry me!" repeated the old woman in astonishment. "Why, I am vexed that I must churn my butter, and at this very minute I am worried lest the loaves I left baking in the oven may burn before I am home again. And indeed, Your Royal Highness, I loop my dress above my red flannel petticoat only because I must. A hundred times a day I wish I were you and could wear trailing velvet robes sewn thick with gold!"
Now as these four discontented old folk talked on, a curious plan popped into their heads. They decided to change places. Accordingly, Queen Grumpy took the old woman's dress and looped it above the red flannel petticoat; the old woman buttoned herself into Queen Grumpy's trailing velvet robes. King Crosspatch put on the old man's battered hat; the old man set the sparkling diamond crown above his sunburned brow, and all was done. Then singing and laughing, these four old folk went on their separate ways. All four felt assured that they were really walking on the road to happiness at last, and all were very pleased and jolly in consequence.
"Oh, there's no place like a palace,
A palace, a palace!
Oh, there's no place like a palace
Upon a hill so high!"
sang the old man and his old wife as they climbed up the steep hill.
"Oh, there's no place like a cottage,
A cottage, a cottage!
Oh, there's no place like a cottage
Down in a valley green!"
sang King Crosspatch and Queen Grumpy, and they went trudging down. Then when they reached the snug little cottage, how pleased they were to be sure! Everything was so cozy and comfortable to behold. The kettle on the hearth was boiling, and the loaves in the oven were browning; the bird in the cage was singing, and the cat on the cushion was purring. The table was laid with all manner of good things for tea.
"The blackberry pie! The blackberry pie! My dear, let's have it at once!" cried King Crosspatch, and went searching through cupboard and larder to find it.
"Wait just a moment until I have made the tea," answered Queen Grumpy, busily bustling about the kitchen. She made the tea, and he found the blackberry pie, and then they both sat down to supper. There were ever and ever so many good things on the table. There were cold roast fowls and quince preserves; there were strawberry tarts and plum as well; there was fresh new butter, and there was thick sweet cream. Queen Grumpy and King Crosspatch ate them all and then began to think about dessert!
"Now would you mind, my dear, if I should eat all the blackberry pie myself?" asked King Crosspatch of Queen Grumpy. "You see, I have only read about blackberry pie in books and have never tasted one in all my life before."
"Not at all, my dear!" replied Queen Grumpy most amiably. "I intend to eat all this ginger cake which I have never seen or tasted before." And so this royal old couple continued to eat until both larder and cupboard were bare.