In Scotland, a mutual promise to consider each other husband and wife, if it be given in the presence of two witnesses, constitutes a lawful marriage; and in that country, as well as some parts of Germany, if a man makes public acknowledgment that he considers a woman as his wife, it gives her, and all the children she may have borne to him, the same legal rights they would have had, if the marriage had been duly solemnized.
In the polished circles of Europe, whose marriages are generally made par convenance, the affianced couple do not have frequent opportunities of seeing each other, without the presence of friends. If a gentleman prolonged a visit to his lady after the family had retired to rest, it would be regarded as extremely ungenteel and ridiculous, and in many places would by no means be permitted.
In North Holland, a singular degree of freedom is allowed. A lover comes every Sunday evening “to have a talk” with the girl of his heart, and, having chosen some place apart from the rest of the family, often remains until daybreak. A custom called kweesten likewise prevails here, as well as in some parts of Switzerland and Wales. In this case, if the girl is coy, her admirer watches an opportunity to get in at her chamber window, and there urges his suit. This is so far from being considered any harm, that parents, who have marriageable daughters, do not scruple to leave a window open for the express purpose. Those who are shocked at this custom, will do well to remember that great restraints imposed upon young people, however necessary they may be, are always an indication of a corrupt state of society.
It is a general custom in all parts of Christendom for parents to give a dowry with their daughters, proportioned to their wealth; even the poorest generally contrive to bestow a few articles of clothing or furniture. It is likewise an universal practice for friends to send presents to the bride, a few days previous to the wedding. When the Welsh peasantry are about to enter into the matrimonial state, they send a man round to invite their friends, and to declare that any donations they may please to bestow will be gratefully received, and cheerfully repaid on a similar occasion. After the wedding party have partaken a frugal entertainment of bread and cheese, a plate is placed on the table to collect money from the guests; and the young couple generally receive as much as fifty or a hundred pounds to furnish their household establishment. The village girls, in nearly all countries, are ambitious about having a few pieces of cloth, and coverlids, woven in readiness for their marriage portion; but in cities, the extreme poverty of the poor usually prevents even this simple preparation. In the Greek island of Himia, the inhabitants gain a livelihood by obtaining sponges for the Turkish baths; and no girl is allowed to marry, till she has proved her dexterity by bringing up from the sea a certain quantity of this marketable article.
Before the time of Francis the First, one hundred livres, about fifty pounds, was considered a very handsome dowry for a young lady; but at the present time, a fashionable and wealthy bride would expend a larger sum than that upon a single mirror. In all countries a feast is given to relations and friends, on the occasion of a daughter’s wedding; and the entertainment is more or less bountiful and splendid, according to the circumstances of the bride’s family.
After the ceremony is performed, all the guests congratulate the newly married pair, and wish them joy. The young couple generally choose from among their intimate friends some individuals to officiate as bride’s maids and groom’s men. These friends are dressed in bridal attire, and during the wedding ceremony stand on each side of the bride and bridegroom. In some places, the maidens chosen for this office carry the bride’s gloves and handkerchief. In France, some people still retain the old custom of having a silken canopy supported over the heads of a young couple, by their attendants. Those who affect display have five or six bride’s maids, and as many groom’s men; but it is more common to have one or two of each. The groom’s men are expected to make presents to the bride, and to be among the earliest friends, who call at her new abode. The wedding cake is usually much decorated with flowers, and sugar-work of various kinds. This is offered to all visiters, and a slice neatly done up in paper, and tied with white ribbons, is usually sent to intimate friends. The superstitious depend very much upon having a piece of wedding cake to place under their pillows; and if nine new pins from the bride’s dress are placed in it, the charm is supposed to be doubly efficacious. The object is to dream of the individuals they are destined to marry. Sometimes names are written on small slips of paper, rolled up, and placed beside the cake; and the first one taken out in the morning reveals the name of the future spouse.
The Tyrolese place a similar value upon the bride’s garland, and the pins that fasten it. The bride scatters flowers from a basket among the young men of her acquaintance; and these flowers prognosticate their future fortunes; the honeysuckle and alpine lily promise uncommon prosperity, but the foxglove is an omen of misfortune. The Tyrolese bridegroom distributes ribbons among the girls, to the different colors of which they likewise attach prophetic meaning. The Dutch treat their wedding-guests with a kind of liquor called “the bride’s tears;” and small bottles of it, adorned with white and green ribbons, are sent as presents to friends, accompanied with boxes of sweetmeats.
The time between the avowed intention of marriage and the performance of the bridal ceremony varies in different places, and among different ranks. One year seems to be the most general period of courtship; but people of rank are often contracted to each other several years before marriage; and in all nations there are some individuals who marry after a few months’ or a few weeks’ acquaintance.
In Prussia, men are allowed to form what is called a left-handed marriage, in which the ceremonies are similar to other marriages, excepting that the left hand is used instead of the right. Under these circumstances, neither the wife nor the children assume the name of the husband, or live in his house, or have a legal claim to dower, or succeed to his estate and titles; but they receive what he pleases to give them during his lifetime, and at his death such legacies as are named in his will. These marriages are principally formed by poor nobles, who already have large families. European monarchs are not allowed to marry into any other than royal families; but they sometimes form left-handed marriages with women, who will not consent to be theirs on less honorable terms.
By the Prussian laws, a man may be imprisoned, and fined half his fortune, or earnings, if he refuses to marry a woman, whom he has deceived with false promises. If he runs away, the woman may be married to him by proxy, and have a legal claim upon him for the maintenance of herself and child.