magnitudinem miseriarum mearum perspicere possis) animum inducere non potui, ut aut illum amantissimum mei, mollissimo animo tanto in maerore aspicerem aut meas miserias luctu adflictus[[97]] et perditam fortunam illi offerrem aut ab illo aspici paterer. Atque etiam illud timebam, quod profecto accidisset, ne a me digredi non posset. Versabatur mihi tempus illud ante oculos, cum ille aut lictores dimitteret aut vi avelleretur ex complexu meo. Huius acerbitatis eventum altera acerbitate non videndi fratris vitavi. In hunc me casum vos vivendi auctores impulistis. Itaque mei peccati luo poenas. Quamquam me tuae litterae sustentant, ex quibus, quantum tu ipse speres, facile perspicio; quae quidem tamen aliquid habebant solacii, antequam eo venisti a Pompeio, “Nunc Hortensium allice et eius modi viros.” Obsecro, mi Pomponi, nondum perspicis, quorum opera, quorum insidiis, quorum scelere perierimus? Sed tecum haec omnia coram agemus; tantum dico, quod scire te puto, nos non inimici, sed invidi perdiderunt. Nunc, si ita sunt, quae speras, sustinebimus nos et spe, qua iubes, nitemur; sin, ut mihi videntur, infirma sunt, quod optimo tempore facere non licuit, minus idoneo fiet.

Terentia tibi saepe agit gratias. Mihi etiam unum de malis in metu est, fratris miseri negotium; quod si sciam cuius modi sit, sciam, quid agendum mihi sit.

[97]. adflictus Reid; adflictas MSS.

truth and it will show you the depth of my misery—I could not bear in my great distress to look on one so devoted to me and so tender-hearted, nor could I thrust upon him the misery of my affliction and my fallen fortune, or suffer him to see me. Besides I was afraid of what would have been sure to happen—that he would not be able to part from me. The picture of the moment when he would have had to dismiss his lictors or to be torn by force from my arms was ever before me. The bitterness of parting I have avoided by the bitterness of not seeing my brother. That is the kind of dilemma into which you who are responsible for my survival have forced me; and so I have to pay the penalty for my mistake. Your letter however cheers me, though I can easily see from it how little hope you have yourself. Still it offered some little consolation till you passed from your mention of Pompey to the passage: “Now try to win over Hortensius and such people.” In heaven’s name, my dear Pomponius, have you not yet grasped, whose agency, whose villainy and whose treachery have ruined me? But that I will discuss when I meet you. Now I will only say, what you must surely know, that it is not so much my enemies as my enviers who have ruined me. If there is any real foundation for your hopes, I will bear up and rely on the hope you suggest. But if, as seems probable to me, your hopes are ill-founded, then I will do now what you would not let me do before, though the time is far less appropriate.

Terentia often expresses her gratitude to you. The thing I most fear among all my misfortunes is my poor brother’s business: if I knew the exact state of affairs, I might know what to do about it. I am

Me etiam nunc istorum beneficiorum et litterarum exspectatio, ut tibi placet, Thessalonicae tenet. Si quid erit novi allatum, sciam, de reliquo quid agendum sit. Tu si, ut scribis, Kal. Iuniis Roma profectus es, prope diem nos videbis. Litteras, quas ad Pompeium scripsi, tibi misi.

Data Id. Iun. Thessalonicae.

X
CICERO ATTICO SAL.

Scr. Thessalonicae XIV K. Quint. a. 696

Acta quae essent usque ad VIII Kal. Iunias, cognovi ex tuis litteris; reliqua exspectabam, ut tibi placebat, Thessalonicae. Quibus adlatis facilius statuere potero, ubi sim. Nam, si erit causa, si quid agetur, si spem videro, aut ibidem opperiar aut me ad te conferam; sin, ut tu scribis, ista evanuerint, aliquid aliud videbimus. Omnino adhuc nihil mihi significatis nisi discordiam istorum; quae tamen inter eos de omnibus potius rebus est quam de me. Itaque, quid ea mihi prosit, nescio, sed tamen, quoad me vos sperare vultis, vobis obtemperabo. Nam, quod me tam saepe et tam vehementer obiurgas et animo infirmo esse dicis, quaeso, ecquod tantum malum est, quod in mea calamitate non sit? ecquis umquam tam ex amplo statu, tam in bona causa, tantis facultatibus ingenii, consilii, gratiae, tantis praesidiis bonorum omnium concidit? Possum oblivisci, qui fuerim, non sentire, qui sim, quo caream honore, qua gloria, quibus liberis, quibus fortunis, quo fratre? Quem ego, ut novum calamitatis genus attendas, cum pluris facerem quam me