me at any rate who love him, are more distressing than even the evils on which we have fallen, do not proceed from any indulgence of mine; for they are deep rooted: but I would have rooted them up, had I been allowed. But the times are such that I must bear everything. My own son I control easily. He is quite tractable. My own policy has lacked vigour owing to my pity for him; and the more he wants me to be unflinching, the more I fear I may prove cruel to him.
Well Antony came yesterday evening; soon perhaps he will visit me, perhaps not even that, as he has written what he wanted done; but you shall know forthwith what has happened. All I do now is done secretly.
What shall I do about the boys? Shall I entrust them to a small boat? What courage do you suppose I shall have on the voyage? For I remember sailing in the summer in an open Rhodian boat with them and how anxious I was; and how do you suppose it will be in the bad season in a tiny pinnace? Misery everywhere!
Trebatius is with me, a real man and a loyal citizen. Ye gods, what awful news he brings! So even Balbus is thinking of attending the Senate! But I will give Trebatius himself a letter for you to-morrow. I agree with your letter that Vettienus is friendly to me. But I made a rather bitter jest at his expense, because he wrote curtly to me about paying my debt. Appease him, if he took it in bad part. I addressed him by his title "commissioner of the mint" because he addressed me as "proconsul." But since he is a good man and has affection for me, let me keep my affection for him. Farewell.
XII
CICERO ATTICO SAL.
Scr. in Cumano III Non. Mai. a. 705
Quidnam mihi futurum est, aut quis me non solum infelicior, sed iam etiam turpior? Nominatim de me sibi imperatum dicit Antonius, nec me tamen ipse adhuc viderat, sed hoc Trebatio narravit. Quid agam nunc, cui nihil procedit, caduntque ea, quae diligentissime sunt cogitata, taeterrime? Ego enim Curionem nactus omnia me consecutum putavi. Is de me ad Hortensium scripserat. Reginus erat totus noster. Huic nihil suspicabamur cum hoc mari negotii fore. Quo me nunc vertam? Undique custodior. Sed satis lacrimis. Παρακλεπτέον igitur et occulte in aliquam onerariam corrependum, non committendum, ut etiam compacto prohibiti videamur. Sicilia petenda. Quam si erimus nacti, maiora quaedam consequemur. Sit modo recte in Hispaniis! Quamquam de ipsa Sicilia utinam sit verum! Sed adhuc nihil secundi. Concursus Siculorum ad Catonem dicitur factus, orasse, ut resisteret, omnia pollicitos; commotum illum dilectum habere coepisse. Non credo, ut est luculentus auctor. Potuisse certe teneri illam provinciam scio. Ab Hispaniis autem iam audietur.
Hic nos C. Marcellum habemus, eadem vere cogitantem aut bene simulantem; quamquam ipsum non videram, sed ex familiarissimo eius audiebam. Tu, quaeso, si quid habebis novi; ego, si quid moliti erimus, ad te statim scribam. Quintum filium severius