Scr. Brundisi III Non. Ian. a. 707
Ego vero et incaute, ut scribis, et celerius, quam oportuit, feci, nec in ulla sum spe, quippe qui exceptionibus edictorum retinear. Quae si non essent sedulitate effectae et benevolentia tua, liceret mihi abire in solitudines aliquas. Nunc ne id quidem licet. Quid autem me iuvat, quod ante initum tribunatum veni, si ipsum, quod veni, nihil iuvat? Iam quid sperem ab eo, qui mihi amicus numquam fuit, cum iam lege etiam sim confectus et oppressus? Cotidie iam Balbi ad me litterae languidiores, multaeque multorum ad illum fortasse contra me. Meo vitio pereo; nihil mihi mali casus attulit, omnia culpa contracta sunt. Ego enim, cum genus belli viderem, imparata et infirma omnia contra paratissimos, statueram, quid facerem, ceperamque consilium non tam forte quam mihi praeter ceteros concedendum. Cessi meis vel potius parui. Ex quibus unus qua mente fuerit, is quem tu mihi commendas, cognosces ex ipsius litteris, quas ad te et ad alios misit. Quas ego numquam aperuissem, nisi res acta sic esset. Delatus est ad me fasciculus. Solvi, si quid ad me esset litterarum. Nihil erat, epistula Vatinio et Ligurio altera. Iussi ad eos deferri. Illi ad me
for this purpose. Please send letters in my name to anyone you think should have them. Farewell.
Dec. 18.
IX
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Brundisium, Jan. 3, B.C. 47
I have certainly acted incautiously, as you say, and more hastily than I should; and I have no hope seeing that I am tied here by the special clause in the edict. If that had not been inserted by your own kind efforts, I might have gone to some lonely retreat. Now not even that is open to me. How does it help me that I came before the tribunes entered on office, when my coming at all does not help? And what have I now to hope from a man who never was friendly with me, when my ruin and humiliation is secured even by law? Balbus' letters to me are becoming daily cooler, and it may be he receives dozens against me. My own fault is my ruin. Fortune has brought no ills upon me: I have brought them all on my own head. For when I saw what kind of war it was going to be, one side unprepared and weak and the other thoroughly well prepared, I had made my plan—not a very courageous plan perhaps, but one for which there were special excuses in my case. I gave way to my relations, or rather I obeyed them. What the real feelings of one of them were—the one for whom you speak—you will know from the letters he has sent to you and to others. I should never have opened them, had it not been for the following circumstance. A packet was brought to me. I undid it to see if there was any letter for me. There was none; but one for Vatinius and another for Ligurius. Those I had