ego, quid tu sis secutus, non perspicio, idcirco minus existimo te nihil nisi summa ratione fecisse.
Mea quae semper fuerit sententia primum de pace vel iniqua condicione retinenda, deinde de urbe (nam de Italia quidem nihil mihi umquam ostenderas), meminisse te arbitror. Sed mihi non sumo, ut meum consilium valere debuerit; secutus sum tuum neque id rei publicae causa, de qua desperavi, quae et nunc adflicta est nec excitari sine civili perniciosissimo bello potest, sed te quaerebam, tecum esse cupiebam neque eius rei facultatem, si quae erit, praetermittam.
Ego me in hac omni causa facile intellegebam pugnandi cupidis hominibus non satis facere. Primum enim prae me tuli me nihil malle quam pacem, non quin eadem timerem quae illi, sed ea bello civili leviora ducebam. Deinde suscepto bello, cum pacis condiciones ad te adferri a teque ad eas honorifice et large responderi viderem, duxi meam rationem; quam tibi facile me probaturum pro tuo in me beneficio arbitrabar. Memineram me esse unum, qui pro meis maximis in rem publicam meritis supplicia miserrima et crudelissima pertulissem, me esse unum, qui, si offendissem eius animum, cui tum, cum iam in armis essemus, consulatus tamen alter et triumphus amplissimus deferebatur, subicerer eisdem proeliis, ut mea persona semper ad improborum civium impetus aliquid videretur habere populare. Atque haec non ego prius sum suspicatus, quam mihi palam denuntiata sunt, neque ea tam pertimui, si subeunda essent, quam declinanda putavi, si honeste vitare possem. Quam brevem illius temporis, dum in spe pax fuit,
policy, I still suppose that you have done nothing without cogent reasons.
I think you remember that my vote has always been for peace, even on poor terms, and secondly for holding the city. As to Italy you gave me no inkling. I do not claim that my policy should have prevailed. I followed yours, not indeed for the sake of the state, of which I despaired and which even now lies in ruin and cannot be restored without a most calamitous civil war, but I wanted you, I longed to be with you, nor will I omit any opportunity that may occur of attaining my wish.
In the whole of this crisis I was well aware that my policy of peace did not please the advocates of war. In the first place I professed to prefer peace above all things, not because I had not the same fears as they had, but because I counted those fears of less moment than intestine war. Then indeed, after war had begun, when I saw terms of peace offered to you, and met by you in an honourable and generous way, I began to consider what my own interests were. That line of conduct I suppose your kindness will easily excuse. I remembered that I was the one man of all others who had suffered most cruel misery and punishment for the greatest services to the state; that I was the one man who, if I had offended Caesar (Caesar to whom was offered even on the eve of battle a second consulship and a princely triumph), would be subjected to the same struggle as before; for a personal attack on me seems to be always popular with the disloyal. This idea only came to me after open threats. It was not persecution I feared, if it were inevitable, but I thought I should seek any escape that honour could allow. There is an outline
rationem nostram vides, reliqui facultatem res ademit. Iis autem, quibus non satis facio, facile respondeo. Neque enim ego amicior C. Caesari umquam fui quam illi neque illi amiciores rei publicae quam ego. Hoc inter me et illos interest, quod, cum et illi cives optimi sint, et ego ab ista laude non absim, ego condicionibus, quod idem te intellexeram velle, illi armis disceptari maluerunt. Quae quoniam ratio vicit, perficiam profecto, ut neque res publica civis a me animum neque tu amici desideres.