I am upset about Attica, though I agree with Craterus. Brutus' letter, though full of wise saws and friendliness, drew from me many tears. This solitude stirs my grief less than your crowded city. You are the only person I miss; but I find no more difficulty about my literary work than if I were at home. Still the old anguish oppresses me and will not leave me, though I give you my word I do not give way to it, but fight against it.
As to what you say about Appuleius, I don't think you need exert yourself, or trouble Balbus and Oppius. He has promised them and told them to let me know that he will not bother me at all. But take care that my plea of ill-health is put in every day. Laenas promised to certify. Add C. Septimius, and L. Statilius. Indeed anyone you ask will pass his word for it. But if there is any difficulty, I will come and swear myself to chronic ill-health. Since I am going to miss the banquets,[[56]] I would rather seem to do so according to the rules than on account of grief. Please dun Cocceius. He hasn't fulfilled his promise: and I am wanting to buy a hiding-place and a refuge for my sorrow.
[56]. Apparently an augur had to bring evidence of ill-health attested by three other augurs to escape attendance on regular meetings and inaugural banquets.
XIV
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Astura, March 8, B.C. 45
I wrote to you yesterday about offering my excuses to Appuleius. I don't think there will be any bother. Any one you apply to is sure not to
28vide et Laenatem et Statilium; tribus enim opus est. Sed mihi Laenas totum receperat.
Quod scribis a Iunio te appellatum, omnino Cornificius locuples est; sed tamen scire velim, quando dicar spopondisse et pro patre anne pro filio. Neque eo minus, ut scribis, procuratores Cornifici et Appuleium praediatorem videbis.
Quod me ab hoc maerore recreari vis, facis ut omnia; sed me mihi non defuisse tu testis es. Nihil enim de maerore minuendo scriptum ab ullo est, quod ego non domi tuae legerim. Sed omnem consolationem vincit dolor. Quin etiam feci quod profecto ante me nemo, ut ipse me per litteras consolarer. Quem librum ad te mittam, si descripserint librarii. Adfirmo tibi nullam consolationem esse talem. Totos dies scribo, non quo proficiam quid, sed tantisper impedior; non equidem satis (vis enim urget), sed relaxor tamen omnique vi nitor non ad animum, sed ad vultum ipsum, si queam, reficiendum, idque faciens interdum mihi peccare videor, interdum peccaturus esse, nisi faciam. Solitudo aliquid adiuvat, sed multo plus proficeret, si tu tamen interesses. Quae mihi una causa est hinc discedendi; nam pro malis recte habebat. Quamquam id ipsum doleo. Non enim iam in me idem esse poteris. Perierunt illa, quae amabas.
De Bruti ad me litteris scripsi ad te antea. Prudenter