refuse. But see Septimius, Laenas and Statilius. There must be three. However Laenas undertook the whole matter for me.
You say you have been dunned by Junius. Well anyhow Cornificius is rich enough to pay: but I should like to know when they say I went bail for him, and whether it was for the father or the son. Still for all that, do as you say, and see Cornificius' agents and Appuleius the estate agent.
You are as kind as usual in wishing that I could get some relief from my grief; but you can bear witness that it is no fault of mine. For every word that has been written by anyone on the subject of assuaging grief I read at your house. But my sorrow is beyond any consolation. Why, I have done what no one has ever done before, tried to console myself by writing a book. I will send it to you as soon as it is copied out. I assure you no other consolation equals it. I write the whole day long, not that it does any good, but it acts as a temporary check: not very much of that, for the violence of my grief is too strong; but still I get some relief and try with all my might to attain some composure of countenance, if not of mind. In so doing sometimes I think I am doing wrong, and sometimes that I should be doing wrong, if I were not to do it. Solitude helps a little, but it would have much more effect, if you at any rate could be with me: and that is my only reason for leaving, for the place is as right as any could be under the circumstances. However even the idea of seeing you upsets me: for now you can never feel the same towards me. I have lost all you used to love.
I have mentioned Brutus' letter to me before:
30scriptae, sed nihil, quod me adiuvarent. Quod ad te scripsit, id vellem, ut ipse adesset. Certe aliquid, quoniam me tam valde amat, adiuvaret. Quodsi quid scies, scribas ad me velim, maxime autem, Pansa quando. De Attica doleo, credo tamen Cratero. Piliam angi veta. Satis est maerere pro omnibus.
XV
CICERO ATTICO SAL.
Scr. Asturae VII Id. Mart. a. 709
Apud Appuleium, quoniam in perpetuum non placet, in dies ut excuser, videbis. In hac solitudine careo omnium colloquio, cumque mane me in silvam abstrusi densam et asperam, non exeo inde ante vesperum. Secundum te nihil est mihi amicius solitudine. In ea mihi omnis sermo est cum litteris. Eum tamen interpellat fletus; cui repugno, quoad possum, sed adhuc pares non sumus. Bruto, ut suades, rescribam. Eas litteras cras habebis. Cum erit, cui des, dabis.
XVI
CICERO ATTICO SAL.
Scr. Asturae VI Id. Mart. a. 709