Permit me to remind you that a mere difference of intonation or of emphasis, in repeating conversational remarks, will sometimes suffice to convey a wholly erroneous impression to others, and that a mysterious glance, a nod, a shrug, a smile, may be made equivalent to the "offense of spoken words."
I have recommended the adoption of good, pure English as the most unexceptionable colloquial coin. Recurring to this point, let me express the opinion that the most pretentious, or erudite language, is not always that best adapted to the purposes of practical life. No one is bound to speak ungrammatically or incorrectly, even when communicating with the illiterate, but the simplest phraseology, as well as the most laconic, is often the most appropriate and expressive, under such circumstances.
Companionship with the educated justifies the use, without justly incurring the charge of pedantry, of every mode of conveying ideas that we are assured is intelligible to them. Thus classical scholars may use the learned languages, if they will, in mutual intercourse; and the popular and familiar words and phrases we have borrowed from the French, are often a convenient resource, under similar circumstances. All this is best regulated by good-breeding and taste. It is always desirable to err on the safe side, where there is a possibility of misapprehension, or of incurring the imputation of affectation, or of a love of display.
This last consideration, by the way, affords an additional incentive to the selection of such companionship as is best suited to elicit the exercise of conversational grace, and stimulate the mental cultivation upon which it must be based. In addition to this advantage, is that thus afforded of familiarizing one's self with the usages of those who may be regarded as models for the inexperienced. The modesty so becoming in the young, will inspire a wish to listen rather than talk; but—though to be an attentive and interested listener is one of the most agreeable and expressive of compliments—remember that practice, if judiciously directed, cannot be too soon attempted, to secure this desirable attainment.
These remarks, I am fully aware, have been desultory and digressive, but they were designed to be rather suggestive than satisfactory; and experimental knowledge will, I trust, more than compensate you for my conscious deficiencies. I will add only a general remark or two, and then no longer tax your patience.
The ladies—dear creatures!—are most prone, it must be admitted, to the use of exaggerated language, in conversation; with them the superlative form of the adjective will alone suffice for the full expression of feeling or opinion. But this peculiarity is by no means confined to those in whom enthusiasm and its natural expression are most becoming. The sterner sex are far from being exempt from this habit, which often involves looseness of thought, inaccuracy of statement, or positive untruthfulness. It is desirable, as a point of ethics, to practise care in this regard. Using the strongest forms of expression on ordinary occasions, leaves one no reserved corps of language for those requiring unusual impressiveness. Accuracy is the great essential, many times, in the choice of language. A clear idea, clearly and unequivocally expressed, is indicative of a good and well-disciplined intellect, each, as I have before intimated, the result of attention and practice.
Well-bred people are careful, when obliged to differ with others in conversation, to do so in polite language, and never to permit the certainty of being in the right to induce a dictatoral or assuming manner. When only a difference of opinion or of taste is involved, young persons, particularly, should scrupulously abstain from any appearance of obstinacy, or self-sufficiency, and defend their impressions, if at all, with a courteous deference to others. Usually, nothing is gained by argument in general society. No one is convinced, because no one wishes to be, and many persons, even when 'convinced, will argue still,' because unwilling, from wounded self-love, to admit it. Much acrimony of feeling is engendered in this way—pertinacity often causing an unpleasant conclusion to what was begun in entire good-feeling. No one is bound to renounce a claim to his individual rights in this respect, but modesty and courtesy will never sit ill upon the young, while steadfastly defending even a point of principle. "Never," said Mr. Madison, in an admirable letter of advice to a nephew, "never forget that, precisely in proportion as you differ from others in opinion, they differ with you." Let me add, that they who are honestly seeking knowledge and truth, will carefully review and re-weigh opinions, tastes, and principles in regard to which they find themselves differing essentially with those whom age, experience, and learning render their admitted superiors.
And if contradiction and opinionativeness are inadmissible in good society, at least equal taste and tact are required in conveying information to others. Some graceful phrase, some self-renouncing admission or explanation, which may secure you from the envy or dislike that wounded vanity might otherwise engender, should not be forgotten when circumstance or education give you an advantage over others in the intercourse of domestic or social life.
"As in smooth oil the razor best is whet,
So wit is by politeness sharpest set;
Their want of edge from their offense is seen,
Both pain us least when exquisitely keen,
The fame men give is for the joy they find!"
It is usually in bad taste to talk of one's self in general society. Humility of language, in this respect, may easily be interpreted into insincerity, and it is at least equally difficult, on the other hand, to avoid the imputation of egotism. Frankness with those to whom you are bound by the ties of friendship, will, many times, be the best proof you can give of the sincerity of your confidence and regard, but this will in no degree interfere with a certain self-abnegation in ordinary social intercourse. Politeness may dictate our being listened to with a semblance of interest, when our own health, affairs, adventures, or misfortunes are the subject of detailed discourse on our part, but the sympathy of the world is not easily enkindled, and pity is often mingled with contempt. People go into society to be amused, not to have their courtesy taxed by appeals to sensibilities upon which others have no claim. Carlyle has well said, "Silently swallow the chagrins of your position; every position has them." And it is so; but one's "private griefs" are not lessened by exposure, nor made more endurable by being constantly the theme, either of one's thoughts or conversation. Let me add that their legitimate use is to teach us a ready sympathy with the sorrows and trials of others, rather than a hardened self-engrossment.