After the salad course at a dinner, and before the dessert is brought in, the waitress removes the crumbs from the table, using a tray or plate and folded napkin for this purpose. When she does this it is bad form for the guest to lay in the tray any bits of bread that may be left at his place or to assist the waitress by moving his glass, salt-cellar, or any other article that may be left on the table. A good waitress removes salt-cellars, pepper-cruets and such articles, before crumbing the table, leaving only the glasses at each place. It is her business to do all this so quietly and deftly that the guests are scarcely conscious of it. To further this end, let the whole affair be attended to by the waitress, and do not seem to notice any lapses on her part.
THE FINGER-BOWL
At the end of the meal the finger-bowls are used. The ends of the fingers are dipped in the water, and the lips touched with these; then mouth and hands are wiped upon the napkin which is left, unfolded, at the side of the plate, if one is taking only one meal in the house. If a longer stay is expected, one may watch one’s hosts to see what they do with their napkins, and follow their example.
Dinner over, the hostess makes the movement to rise, and she, with the other ladies, proceeds to the parlor. There they are joined later by the gentlemen. At an informal or family dinner, the men and women may leave the table together, the men standing aside to let the women pass out first, and in the drawing-room cigars may be lighted by the men after they have asked permission of the women to smoke.
All these rules with regard to the company dinner apply to the family dinner as well. One can not be too careful in observing the laws of table etiquette in the family circle if one would be at ease in company.
AVOID APOLOGIES
One warning I would give to the hostess or homemaker: Do not apologize unless necessary! If a dish is a signal failure, say with an apologetic smile that you regret that such a thing was spoiled in the baking, or that you fear the meat is very rare, and, unless the matter can be remedied, let it go at that. You but embarrass your guests and put them to the disagreeable necessity of reassuring you, if you dwell upon the matter.