CALLING AFTER A DEATH
In calling at a house after a bereavement, it is well, except when the afflicted one is an intimate friend, to leave the card with a message of sympathy at the door. One may, if one wishes, leave flowers with the card. A fortnight after the funeral one may call and ask to see the ladies of the family, adding that if they do not feel like seeing callers they will please not think of coming down. Under such circumstances only a supersensitive person will be hurt by receiving the message that the ladies beg to be excused, and that they are grateful for the kind thought that prompted the call.
The rule that we have just given applies to the household in which there is serious illness. A call may consist of an inquiry at the door, and leaving a card. This may be accompanied by some such message as, “Please express my sincere hope that Mrs. Smith will soon be better, and assure Mr. Smith that if I can be of any service to him, or Mrs. Smith, I shall be grateful if he will let me know.”
MAKING PARTY CALLS
One should always return a first call within three weeks after it has been made. After a dinner, luncheon or card-party, a call must be made within a fortnight. An afternoon tea requires no “party call.” After a large reception one may call within the month. After a wedding reception one must call within a fortnight on the mother of the bride, and on the bride on her “At Home” day as soon as possible after her return from the wedding trip. If one is in doubt as to the propriety of calling after an invitation, it is better to err on the side of making the call. One’s courteous intention will surely be appreciated while not to call may seem an unpardonable omission.
In the case of an invitation extended without a first call having been made, women sometimes express doubt as to the course they should pursue. In the first place they will do well to realize that some of the people who entertain most delightfully are extremely busy people to whom the rigid routine of formal etiquette would be an intolerable burden. A clever woman is known by nothing more certainly than by the unerring instinct with which she relaxes her demands in such instances. If the woman who wishes to entertain encloses her own card this may be accepted as a substitute for the usual first call. The social value of one dinner invitation transcends many calls. Even if the visiting-card is not enclosed the recipient of the invitation will—if she be a sensible woman—accept if she really wishes to do so. At this point, however, social usage should begin to assert itself and the invited one should not fail to make the customary call of appreciation after the “party.” If one does not wish to make the acquaintance offered a formal note of declination will serve to discourage further intrusion.
EXCEPTIONS TO SOCIAL RULES